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Do you think technology can make the world better?

Do you think technology can make the world better? jDY9N
Nowadays, with the rapid development of the technology, it becomes an important part of humans’ life. Some people think that technology has made the world a better place to live, but some people do not agree with this idea. I, however, think that technology has made the world a higher quality place to live because it improves our transportation, it is convenient and it is comfortable. Firstly, with the modern technology, people can have many kinds of transportations. At the past, people had to go by bicycle or on foot; it is really difficult for people to move far away. So in the early 19 century, people with some technology had made the first motorbike to remove that problem. Furthermore, today we have many airplanes, cars, ships, vessels to help us to travel easily. Secondly, technology is extremely convenient for people, especially for many people who live far from their family. For example, my uncle has lived and worked in America for 15 years, but my grandmother and my family are living in Vietnam so that it is very difficult to contact with him face to face. In spite of that, we can contact him through email or telephone calls. Furthermore, it is extremely helpful when you have to face up to an emergency situation. For instance, a few days ago, I need to bring my research for my literature class and I had left if at home. So I was totally worried because it is the deadline of the research. If I did not hand in the paper, I would have gotten a worse score. Then, in this case, I had to call my father to bring it to me. Thus, it is highly convenient for many people. Finally, I assume that technology is really comfortable. It is the summer in Vietnam now, it is extremely hot. However, sitting in the air-conditioned room, people do not have to suffer from the hot weather anymore. Thank for the modern technology, today, people do not need to be in the trouble with the hot weather or cold weather. In conclusion, I believe that technology has made the world a greater position to live because it improves our transportation, it is convenient and it is comfortab
Nowadays, with the rapid development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, it becomes an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of humans’ life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made the world a better place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. I,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made the world a higher quality place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
our transportation, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
convenient
and it is comfortable.

Firstly
, with the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of transportations. At the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to go by bicycle or on foot; it is
really
difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
far away.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in the early
Did you mean "19th century"?
19 century
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
had made the
first
motorbike to remove that problem.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
airplanes, cars, ships, vessels to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to travel
easily
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
convenient
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
far from their family.
For example
, my uncle has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
and worked in America for 15 years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my grandmother and my family are living in Vietnam
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to contact with him face to face.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
that, we can contact him through email or telephone calls.
Furthermore
, it is
extremely
helpful when you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face up to an emergency situation.
For instance
, a few days ago, I need to bring my research for my literature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and I had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
if at home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I was
totally
worried
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the deadline of the research. If I did not hand in the paper, I would have gotten a worse score. Then,
in this case
, I had to call my father to bring it to me.
Thus
, it is
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
convenient
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Finally
, I assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
really
comfortable. It is the summer in Vietnam
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, it is
extremely
hot.
However
, sitting in the air-conditioned room,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer from the hot weather anymore. Thank for the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not need to be in the trouble with the hot weather or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
weather.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made the world a greater position to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
our transportation, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
convenient
and it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
comfortab
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IELTS essay Do you think technology can make the world better?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
373 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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