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Do you think music and arts are necessary for secondary students? Why?/ Why not?

Do you think music and arts are necessary for secondary students? Why? / Why not? 8L5rx
Nowadays, students have to learn many subjects at school. Most of them only pay attention to some main subjects like Math or Literature, and some subjects like art and music are forgotten, because they never exist in the examination. I myself think that these subjects are extremely meaningful and play an important part in the children’s life because of these following reasons. First and foremost, music and art develop our psychological functions and imagination. They teach us how to love country, love life and love people through the drawings and melodies. They also develop our IQ and EQ which are very good for our mind and our brain. Arts education has a great effect in the comprehensive development and forming the personality for children. Moreover, music and art are convenient places for children to cultivate and nurture emotions, as a way for students to express their emotions, feelings and thoughts in a special way. Art activities will inspire aesthetic sense that directs children to beautiful cultural values from which children create their own personality and educate themselves. Playful melodies, bass, richness of sounds, rhythm will bring children into the world of beauty by an attractive and interesting way. Furthemore, no one can deny that art and music also have the ability to help peolple relax. Students are always in stuck with so much homework from their teachers, and with numerous extra classes to keep up with their classmates. They seem to have no free time at all for sports, sleeping or even relaxtion. That is the reason why students should be required to study art and music at school as a way for them to rest. They need to take a rest to continue climbing so many mountains that this tough life force them to. It’s very crucial. Last but not least, students can learn teamwork from music and art. Many musical education programs require teamwork as part of a band or orchestra. In these groups, students will learn how to work together and buid solidarity. In conclusion, students can develop all their potential such as creativity, adults, especially educationists should create good conditions for students in school to study art and music. It will be better if they are required to study these subjects. Without them, life becomes so boring and unintersting!
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at school. Most of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
pay attention to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like Math or Literature, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are forgotten
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they never exist in the examination. I myself
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
extremely
meaningful and play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these following reasons.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
develop our psychological functions and imagination. They teach us how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
country,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
through the drawings and melodies. They
also
develop our IQ and EQ which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our mind and our brain.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
education has a great effect in the comprehensive development and forming the personality for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
are convenient places for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to cultivate and nurture emotions, as a way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to express their emotions, feelings and thoughts in a special way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
activities will inspire aesthetic sense that directs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
cultural values from which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
create their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personality and educate themselves. Playful melodies, bass, richness of sounds, rhythm will bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
into the world of beauty by an attractive and interesting way.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Furthemore
, no one can deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
also
have the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
Possible spelling mistake found.
peolple
relax.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
are always in stuck with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much homework from their teachers, and with numerous extra classes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with their classmates. They seem to have no free time at all for sports, sleeping or even
Possible spelling mistake found.
relaxtion
.
That is
the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be required
to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
at school as a way for them to rest. They need to take a rest to continue climbing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mountains that this tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
force them to. It’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn teamwork from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
musical education programs require teamwork as part of a band or orchestra. In these groups,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will learn how to work together and
Possible spelling mistake found.
buid
solidarity.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can develop all their potential such as creativity, adults,
especially
educationists should create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
conditions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in school to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. It will be better if they
are required
to study these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. Without them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
boring and
Possible spelling mistake found.
unintersting
!
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IELTS essay Do you think music and arts are necessary for secondary students? Why? / Why not?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
383 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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