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do you think it is right to keep animals in zoos?

do you think it is right to keep animals in zoos? neLP7
Animals play an important role as a part of environment. From my point of view, keeping animals in zoos has ups and downs. It usually depends on the condition. Initially, let’s think about the reasons why animals should be kept in zoos. On the one hand, zoos can be one of the place to keep animals which has the possibility of extinction and will protect them against predators, weather and food availability. Furthermore, one of the main benefit of zoos is to study animals and educate the public about them. Also, zoos can help to promote the economy of the local area by providing job and income for local residents. Despite the positives mentioned above, zoos can cause serious problems. The main drawback of this is that animals can lose their survival instincts. For example, in zoos animals rely on humans. When they come back to wildlife it may have negative effect on animals, because in wildlife animal has to run or fight or hunt and as the result of losing these kind of skills, animal can be died. In addition, animals just like humans, they should have right to enjoy the freedom. To sum up, I think that it is not fully wrong to keep animals in zoos but as we mentioned before they have the right to survive independently because of felling and emotions as humans. It should be conducted in appropriate way which benefits to both humans and animals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role as a part of environment. From my point of view, keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos has ups and downs. It
usually
depends on the condition.

Initially
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in zoos. On the one hand, zoos can be one of the place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which has the possibility of extinction and will protect them against predators, weather and food availability.
Furthermore
, one of the main benefit of zoos is to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and educate the public about them.
Also
, zoos can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to promote the economy of the local area by providing job and income for local residents.

Despite the positives mentioned above, zoos can cause serious problems. The main drawback of this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can lose their survival instincts.
For example
, in zoos
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to wildlife it may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in wildlife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
run or fight or hunt and as the result of losing
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
, they should have right to enjoy the freedom.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is not
fully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as we mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they have the right to survive
independently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of felling and emotions as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. It should
be conducted
in appropriate way which benefits to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.

IELTS essay do you think it is right to keep animals in zoos?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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