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Do you think it is better for students to work before their university study? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice.

Do you think it is better for students to work before their university study? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. PVV3K
In some people opinion going to a university can trigger someone having an open mindset and strong mental. However, for some people having some experiences first in a work can easier to implement when someone study at a university. From my point of view having experiences study at university before working is more important to students. So, they will not only have knowledges as theory subject but also experiences which can create their mindset open and mental when they plunge into work field. First, student who go to university before work usually good adaption at their workplace. They will more sociable with other people because they are openminded. They also will easily to accept differences argument from the others and can response back politely and wisely. They know how to control their’s ego and well understand that every people are have each characteristic. So, they know how to behave properly in different situation at their workplace. Second, students at a university get different knowledges regarding their subject. The knowledges will be implemented when they work after graduated. We can say that work field can be a place to enhance their knowledges and to improve their softskill, because work is a practice for all knowledges and experiences they already got. So, students who go to university and then work afterwards more prominent and bright at a workplace since they ready facing any tasks which give to them confidently. To conclude, students will be ready in knowledges and mentally if they go to university before work. When they study at university the learn many things such as the subject they take, consistence of time management, live independently, etc. Therefore when students work, they already mature in term of their knowledges, softskills and metal to encounter any problems at work field.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opinion going to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can trigger someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
having
an open mindset and strong mental.
However
, for
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some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
first
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can easier to implement when someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "studies", "studied".
study
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. From my point of view having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
working is more
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important
to
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students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
as theory subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
which can create their mindset open and mental when they plunge into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
field.

First
,
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student
who go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
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before
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work
usually
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good
adaption at their workplace. They will more sociable with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
Possible spelling mistake found.
openminded
. They
also
will
easily
to accept differences argument from the others and can response back
politely
and
wisely
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
know how to control
Did you mean "their" or "theirs"?
their’s
ego and well understand that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
each characteristic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they know how to behave
properly
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situation at their workplace.

Second,
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students
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
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get
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different
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
regarding their subject. The
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knowledges will
be implemented
when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after graduated. We can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
field can be a place to enhance their
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
softskill
,
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because
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work
is a practice for all
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
and
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experiences
they already
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got
.
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So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
afterwards more prominent and bright at a workplace since they ready facing any tasks which give to them
confidently
.

To conclude
,
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students
will be ready in
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
and mentally if they go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. When they study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'learn' is correct. If 'learn' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things such as the subject they take, consistence of time management,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
, etc.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they already mature in term of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
softskills
and metal to encounter any problems at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
field.
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IELTS essay Do you think it is better for students to work before their university study? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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