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Do you enjoy spending time at natural places? What is the best way to learn about nature? Have you ever been camping by the sea of mountains? Is the countryside a good place to live? v.1

Do you enjoy spending time at natural places? What is the best way to learn about nature? Have you ever been camping by the sea of mountains? Is the countryside a good place to live? v. 1
It is often argued that children who belong to financially challenged backgrounds become more robust to tackle the possible hardships of adulthood compared to those of rich parents. I firmly agree with this viewpoint, as youngsters of less-privileged parents are often more responsible and financially independent than their wealthy counterparts. Firstly, the world is becoming more competitive and the average salary of individuals is decreasing. In this regard, it is important that our youngsters should be taught to become financially and socially responsible in the early stages of their life, which would eventually help them to cover their expenditures and decrease their dependence on parents. For instance, in western countries, the phenomenon of teenagers doing part-time jobs while studying is quite prevalent. For this reason, not only they cover their tuition fees but also help their parents financially by giving some amount of their salaries to them. Furthermore, youngsters belonging to lower class families become more resilient and develop the essential personality traits to become successful in life. As their wishes are not fulfilled by their parents due to economic constraints, they get the motivation to set their goals, which then encourages them to strive hard in life to achieve those targets. Consequently, when these children will grow up, they will be confident and have a belief in their abilities. Their expectations will be few compared to the children of affluent parents who look towards their parents for their problems to be resolved. In conclusion, it can be argued that children who were exposed to the difficulties of life at early age respond to the tough situations in a better manner and also help their parents financially.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who belong to
financially
challenged backgrounds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more robust to tackle the possible hardships of adulthood compared to those of rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint, as youngsters of less-privileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
more responsible and
financially
independent than their wealthy counterparts.

Firstly
, the world is becoming more competitive and the average salary of individuals is decreasing. In this regard, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that our youngsters should
be taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
financially
and
socially
responsible in the early stages of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, which would
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to cover their expenditures and decrease their dependence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For instance
, in western countries, the phenomenon of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
doing part-time jobs while studying is quite prevalent.
For this reason
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they cover their tuition fees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
financially
by giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of their salaries to them.

Furthermore
, youngsters belonging to lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
families
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more resilient and develop the essential personality traits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
successful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. As their wishes are not fulfilled by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
due to economic constraints, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the motivation to set their goals, which then encourages them to strive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to achieve those targets.
Consequently
, when these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will grow up, they will be confident and have a belief in their abilities. Their expectations will be few compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who look towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for their problems to
be resolved
.

In conclusion
, it can
be argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
were exposed
to the difficulties of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at early age respond to the tough situations in a better manner and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
financially
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Do you enjoy spending time at natural places? What is the best way to learn about nature? Have you ever been camping by the sea of mountains? Is the countryside a good place to live? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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