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Do you know any Vietnamese person who has taken a risk, either personal, or professional or financial one? Write a narrative essay about this person, the risk he or she took, and the outcome.

Do you know any Vietnamese person who has taken a risk, either personal, or professional or financial one? Write a narrative essay about this person, the risk he or she took, and the outcome. m8gXL
My oldest brother, Le Duy Dong, was 22 years old and a senior. Being an 18-year-old adolescent has been the most unforgettable period in his life. Despite the fact that he was confronted with a slew of new challenges, he was eager to cope with them all. Not only was that moment difficult to forget, but it was also the most difficult for him thus far. He had to pick the institutions he wanted to attend with care, and then he had to take the most difficult exam in a student's life - the national admission exam. After a short time, he received notice that he had been accepted into HCM City's Open University. He was quite inquisitive about how he was going to live in a foreign place and adjust to a new environment. My brother's first challenge was finding a suitable hostel to reside in while he was studying here. He had to locate a house close to his college because he didn't have a motorcycle. He couldn't afford the hostel's tariff on his own, so he needed to find a roommate to split the bill. It may be dangerous because he didn't know if they were decent people or not. As a result, he opted to reside with a classmate in order to be safe. He has always been informed that because HCM City is so busy and congested, there would be a slew of frauds, scams, and social crimes like as robbery, pick-pocketing, and even murder. When he boarded a bus or entered a crowded area, he had to be cautious and keep his luggage in front of him to avoid being pick-pocketed. Furthermore, coming home late at night was a complete nightmare for him. Despite the fact that he was surrounded by people on his journey home, he was terrified and had no faith in anyone. When he lived in HCM City, another issue he was unfamiliar with was traffic. Every day, several accidents occur due to the city's hurried, chaotic, and convoluted traffic. Every time he went outside, he felt like he was jeopardizing his life. As a result of certain persons who did not follow the rules, he had to be extra cautious in order to prevent unwelcome surprises. They ran a red light and increased traffic congestion. My brother was once yelled at by a man who didn't want to wait in the traffic, so he rode on the sidewalk and didn't care about the people who were walking there. I was a freshman at the time, and I had been dealing with traffic in HCM City for over a year, but I wasn't acclimated to it. And that shows that traffic in cities was complicated and difficult for people like me. After living independently for virtually 4 years, he was eventually able to take good care of himself, become confident, and learn how to protect himself from evildoers. Living in Ho Chi Minh City had helped my brother gain much experience in the face of many difficulties. Every day, every hour, he made the effort to get used to it and made those difficulties his own. I looked up to my brother and thought that he was a good example to follow.
My oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
, Le
Possible spelling mistake found.
Duy
Dong, was 22 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and a senior. Being an 18-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
adolescent has been the most unforgettable period in his life. Despite the fact that he
was confronted
with a slew of new challenges, he was eager to cope with them all. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
was that moment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
to forget,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was
also
the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
for him
thus
far. He had to pick the institutions he wanted to attend with care, and then he had to take the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
exam in a student's life
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
the national admission exam. After a short time, he received notice that he had been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
into
Possible spelling mistake found.
HCM
City's Open University. He was quite inquisitive about how he was going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a foreign place and adjust to a new environment.

My brother's
first
challenge was finding a suitable hostel to reside in while he was studying here. He had to locate a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
close to his college
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he didn't have a motorcycle. He couldn't afford the hostel's tariff on his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he needed to find a roommate to split the bill. It may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he didn't know if they were decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or not.
As a result
, he opted to reside with a classmate in order to be safe. He has always
been informed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake found.
HCM
City is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy and congested, there would be a slew of frauds, scams, and social crimes like as robbery, pick-pocketing, and even murder. When he boarded a bus or entered a crowded area, he had to be cautious and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
his luggage in front of him to avoid being pick-pocketed.
Furthermore
, coming home late at night was a complete nightmare for him. Despite the fact that he
was surrounded
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on his journey home, he
was terrified
and had no faith in anyone.

When he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
HCM
City, another issue he was unfamiliar with was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
. Every day, several accidents occur due to the city's hurried, chaotic, and convoluted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
. Every time he went outside, he felt like he was jeopardizing his life.
As a result
of certain persons who did not follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, he had to be extra cautious in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
unwelcome surprises. They ran a red light and increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
was once yelled at by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who didn't want to wait in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he rode on the sidewalk and didn't care about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were walking there. I was a freshman at the time, and I had been dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
HCM
City for over a year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I wasn't acclimated to it. And that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
was complicated
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like me.

After living
independently
for
virtually
4 years, he was
eventually
able to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
care of himself, become confident, and learn how to protect himself from evildoers. Living in Ho Chi Minh City had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
gain much experience in the face of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties. Every day, every hour, he made the effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to it and made those difficulties his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. I looked up to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that he was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example to follow.
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IELTS essay Do you know any Vietnamese person who has taken a risk, either personal, or professional or financial one? Write a narrative essay about this person, the risk he or she took, and the outcome.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
541 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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