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Do you agree that it is better to work for business owned by someone else than to work for the business of one's own family?

Jobs play an inseparable part of everyone's life. Some people prefer to work for business directed by someone else, but others prefer otherwise. I think it is better to work for someone else because of two main reasons which I will explore below. First, the pressure of heavy responsibility is low when you work in other's firm. Although taking a position in a company will bring up some duties and responsibilities but they are related to your current work, by being employee in a company owing by family with any position family members' expectations is high. They expect you to do more than your position for the company. Take, for example, the case of the family firm. My family friend has an import-export company. She worked there after graduation. Because of excessive expectations, she should worked there from morning to night, therefore her time was waste and she could not do her own personal or recreational work. After a while, she became mentally tired and got depressed. Second, in this day and age of information explosion and progress, climbing the ladder of success depends on acquiring many skills and abilities. Working for others busines, it will help you to learn more. Undoubtedly, being employee serves people an opportunity to work differently. They should accumulate knowledge about their careers, participating in various classes to learn different skills, and being up-to-date, since employers searching for capable workers. In this regard, employees endeavor to keep their positions or find a suitable job in this way. However, working in a family company is not like that. In conclusion, it’s better to work in the business owned by others than that owned by one’s family. Not only are there limited and specific responsibilities related to the job position, but also contribute to the advancement and promotion of the scientific level.
Jobs play an inseparable part of everyone's life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for business directed by someone else,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others prefer
otherwise
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for someone else
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two main reasons which I will explore below.

First
, the pressure of heavy responsibility is low when you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in other's firm. Although taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will bring up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
duties and responsibilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
are related
to your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, by being employee in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
owing by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members' expectations is high. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
you to do more than your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Take,
for example
, the case of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
firm. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
friend has an import-export
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. She worked there after graduation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of excessive expectations, she should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "work"
worked
there from morning to night,
therefore
her time was
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
waste and
she could not do her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal or recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. After a while, she became mentally tired and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
depressed.

Second, in this day and age of information explosion and progress, climbing the ladder of success depends on acquiring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities. Working for others
Possible spelling mistake found.
busines
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to learn more.
Undoubtedly
, being employee serves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
differently
. They should accumulate knowledge about their careers, participating in various classes to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and being up-to-date, since employers searching for capable workers. In this regard, employees endeavor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
or find a suitable job in this way.
However
, working in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is not like that.

In conclusion
, it’s better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by others than that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are there limited and specific responsibilities related to the job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
contribute to the advancement and promotion of the scientific level.

IELTS essay Do you agree that it is better to work for business owned by someone else than to work for the business of one's own family?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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