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Do you agree or disagree with this statement: For success in a future job, the ability to relate people is more important than studying hard in school. v.1

: For success in a future job, the ability to relate people is more important than studying hard in school. v. 1
Most countries practice the education without a choice subjects; however, minority of countries purpose to choose that young people want to learn. Overall, both this system has a positive influence in a part directly develops your strongest side and drawback in a part balance number of pupils in class that this essay will reveal. Firstly, few people can decline the fact that all students are different it means they have various interests and strongest sides, thereby a choice of subjects helps uncover their potential and better prepare for the future. For example, a school has the humanitarian subjects that not for everyone such as the biology or history because for some types of students difficult remember many dates and term; however, the hard science complicated for some people too. Thus, when students choose subjects that well-fit for them it can help them evade complicated discipline and better concentrate on their passion that will help better prepare to work. Notwithstanding, education without choice allow pupils developing fully and keeping in balance numbers of student in classes. For instance, the literature and geography help to develop speaking skills and increase knowledge about the Earth and other countries that time-to-time help. Nonetheless, young people who aiming on the hard science could skip it that lead to controversial aftermath. Besides, all classes have different numbers of student there in one be able to be the overabundance, but another will have a shortage. Consequently, it will lead to implement quote that decrease choice and partly return to a system with the same classes. To conclude, each school, especially a private one, could choose a system that better suit to it; nevertheless, some subjects must be the same for all students for fully developing.
Most countries practice the education without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
;
however
, minority of countries purpose to choose that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to learn.
Overall
, both this system has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence in a part
directly
develops your strongest side and drawback in a part balance number of pupils in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
that this essay will reveal.

Firstly
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can decline the fact that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
it means they have various interests and strongest sides, thereby a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
uncover their potential and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
prepare for the future.
For example
, a school has the humanitarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that not for everyone such as the biology or history
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
difficult remember
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
dates and term;
however
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
science complicated for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
too.
Thus
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that well-fit for them it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them evade complicated discipline and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
concentrate on their passion that will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
prepare to work.

Notwithstanding, education without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
pupils developing
fully
and keeping in balance numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in classes.
For instance
, the literature and geography
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to develop speaking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and increase knowledge about the Earth and other countries that time-to-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
. Nonetheless, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
The usual collocation for "aiming" is "at" not "on". Did you mean "aiming at"?
aiming on
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
science could skip it that lead to controversial aftermath.
Besides
, all classes have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
there in one be able to be the overabundance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
another will have a shortage.
Consequently
, it will lead to implement quote that decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
and partly return to a system with the same classes.

To conclude
, each school,
especially
a private one, could choose a system that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
suit to it;
nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be the same for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for
fully
developing.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay : For success in a future job, the ability to relate people is more important than studying hard in school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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