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do you agree or disagree with this statement? successful people try new things and take risks in their life rather than doing only what they know how to do well. use reasons and examples to support your answer. v.7

successful people try new things and take risks in their life rather than doing only what they know how to do well. use reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 7
Utilizing the social webs to communicate with others and be aware of news are becoming relevant today. Despite the internet technology has helped people in connecting with their relatives and friends without the boundaries of distance and cost, also it provides all information around the world every day, but many people think that the technology has made people become less socialized and more individualistic. To a certain extent, I would agree that the internet has negatively affected to people's social life, but if we use the technology in a wise and appropriate manner, it has a lot of positive functions. The greatest benefit from digital time is that it provides a wide range of apps to connect with people in the distance, and it creates news platform such as BBC, Bloomberg, Washington Post which is helping to trace the situations is stemmed. Moreover, in this industrial revolution networks are being relevant among the big companies to prompting their projects. For example, we have been started supporting connection with our partners by social media since the Internet was created, and it boosts our productivity and results. Social media not only give the chance to communicate with people abroad, but also provides all economic, politic, sport events. On the other hand, there is always another side of a coin. The internet is believed to have detrimental side effects on the ability of people to socialise. To begin, internet at home causes the inhabitants of a city to stay at home whenever they are free. This kind of habit will cause them to lose the interpersonal skill which is crucial and should be mastered by every individual in their lives. They should, for instance, take part in youth or sports activities so that they can meet new friends and develop the socialising skill. If they do not learn how to communicate with others in face-to-face conversations, they are less likely to achieve success in their jobs which require the sophisticated communicating skills. Hence, it is clearly shown that people may eventually lose the ability of socialising if they overuse the internet. In conclusion, the internet brings numerous advantages and disadvantages to our lives. However, I believe that we should spend our time wisely on using the internet as it can be more beneficial provided we do not overuse it and we should learn to socialise face-to-face rather than bury their heads into the screens of electronic gadgets.
Utilizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
webs to communicate with others and be aware of news are becoming relevant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Despite the internet technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in connecting with their relatives and friends without the boundaries of distance and cost,
also
it provides all information around the world every day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the technology has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become less socialized and more individualistic. To a certain extent, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the internet has
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the technology in a wise and appropriate manner, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
functions.

The greatest benefit from digital time is that it provides a wide range of apps to connect with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the distance, and it creates news platform such as BBC, Bloomberg, Washington Post which is helping to trace the situations
is stemmed
.
Moreover
, in this industrial revolution networks are being relevant among the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to prompting their projects.
For example
, we have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
supporting connection with our partners by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media since the Internet
was created
, and it boosts our productivity and results.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
media not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give the chance to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
abroad,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provides all economic, politic, sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

On the other hand
, there is always another side of a coin. The internet
is believed
to have detrimental side effects on the ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
Do not mix variants of the same word ('socialise' and 'socialize') within a single text.
socialise
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, internet at home causes the inhabitants of a city to stay at home whenever they are free. This kind of habit will cause them to lose the interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
which is crucial and should
be mastered
by every individual in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They should,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in youth or sports activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new friends and develop the
Do not mix variants of the same word ('socialise' and 'socialize') within a single text.
socialising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. If they do not learn how to communicate with others in face-to-face conversations, they are less likely to achieve success in their jobs which require the sophisticated communicating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Hence
, it is
clearly
shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
eventually
lose the ability of
Do not mix variants of the same word ('socialise' and 'socialize') within a single text.
socialising
if they overuse the internet.

In conclusion
, the internet brings numerous advantages and disadvantages to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, I believe that we should spend our time
wisely
on using the internet as it can be more beneficial provided we do not overuse
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
we should learn to
Do not mix variants of the same word ('socialise' and 'socialize') within a single text.
socialise
face-to-face
rather
than bury their heads into the screens of electronic gadgets.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay successful people try new things and take risks in their life rather than doing only what they know how to do well. use reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
404 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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