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do you agree or disagree with this statement? successful people try new things and take risks in their life rather than doing only what they know how to do well. use reasons and examples to support your answer. v.23

successful people try new things and take risks in their life rather than doing only what they know how to do well. use reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 23
Different people in their lives try to do everything to achieve to success and ideal place they imagined for themselves. Generally, some humans try to avoid risky actions and stick to the abilities they have and they know how to do them. While, there are some other people who like to test various incidents and have fresh experinces in different locations. I think that a person should let itself open to try new experinces due to some reasons which i am going to explain them accordingly below. First, we should know that trying new things in our short life is the only way to understand our limitations and work hard to overcome those effectively. experincing new events and places shows us new oppertunities for us which can lead to a positive change in our future. For example, my friend Jim always nagged about his poor economical and financial condition, since he grew up in a large family with many brothers and sisters. However, he never intended to do anything about his situation. He just continued his work as a carpenter in a local shop in our town where he knew the area and the work so well. But, its income salary was not satisfactory and he can not even rent a bigger house for himself. Suddenly, one day he decided to travel to Boston to see if he can find a better job for himself. Surprisingly, he got familiarized with a musical band who need a lead vocalist for their group after their singers departure. Jim just test his voice there for fun in the band. on the other hand the band owner loved the especial vibe in his vocie and hired him with a ten figure contract. So, as you see our life can change with any little decision we make. Secondly, successful people are mostly capable of handling multi task situations normally. They can carry out different activities and manage them in the same time. Thus, if we just know one work to do, we are not preparing ourselves for future. Because, we may lose our chance to develop in our career due to our low ability in certain new areas in our expertise. As the world enhance people should keep themselves up to date and learn new features of their job to thrive during the time and be prepared to cease any oppertunity ahead. in conclusion, deciding whether or not to try new things is a big moment of our life. it can totally effect our future. So we should decide about it carefully.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
try to do everything to achieve to success and ideal place they imagined for themselves.
Generally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
humans try to avoid risky actions and stick to the abilities they
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
have and
they know how to do them. While, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
various incidents and have fresh
Possible spelling mistake found.
experinces
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
locations. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a person should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
itself open to try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Possible spelling mistake found.
experinces
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons which
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
them
accordingly
below.

First
, we should know that trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things in our short life is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to understand our limitations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to overcome those
effectively
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
experincing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and places
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppertunities
for us which can lead to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in our future.
For example
, my friend Jim always nagged about his poor economical and financial condition, since he grew up in a large family with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
brothers and sisters.
However
, he never intended to do anything about his situation. He
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
continued his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a carpenter in a local shop in our town where he knew the area and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, its income salary was not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
satisfactory and
he can not even rent a bigger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
for himself.
Suddenly
, one day he decided to travel to Boston to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
if he can find a better job for himself.
Surprisingly
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
familiarized with a musical band who need a lead vocalist for their group after their singers departure. Jim
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
his voice there for fun in the band.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand the band owner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
the especial vibe in his
Possible spelling mistake found.
vocie
and hired him with a ten figure contract.
“So , as” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So, as
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
our life can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
with any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
decision we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
.

Secondly
, successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
mostly
capable of handling multi task situations
normally
. They can carry out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities and manage them in the same time.
Thus
, if we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
know one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to do, we are not preparing ourselves for future.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, we may lose our chance to develop in our career due to our low ability in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
areas in our expertise. As the world enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves up to date and learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
features of their job to thrive during the time and
be prepared
to cease any
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppertunity
ahead.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
conclusion, deciding
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
to try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
moment of our life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
can
totally
effect our future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we should decide about it
carefully
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes

IELTS essay successful people try new things and take risks in their life rather than doing only what they know how to do well. use reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
427 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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