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Do you agree or disagree with the statement It is acceptable for parents to use physical force to discipline their children v.1

It is acceptable for parents to use physical force to discipline their children v. 1
The travelling is one of the most popular hobbies. The international travelling has become much cheaper and many people can afford to visit another country. This essay will argue that the advantages of this outweigh the drawbacks and provide relevant examples. In my opinion, there are 2 main advantages. The main reason why countries open doors for tourists is the chance to gain cash. Tourism is one the most expensive hobby and when a lot people can afford this, it will help to economic situation in the country by making money for the tourists. For example, Bulgaria is the popular place and respectively, the tourism is the main source of income. Secondly, opening doors can attract a lot of people from all over the world, because now it is less expensive. Therefore, from the point of view of tourist, it is a great opportunity to explore another culture. However, some people think that the large amount of travellers can debase the enjoy from the vacation. The first argument that they suggest is that, there are lots of tourists in the famous places. However, I believe that if a country allows you to travel with small expenditures, you should not spend your time by looking the monuments or museums, because only tourists visit these places. My parents have been to France and tourists could not prevent them from enjoying the city because they knew how to travel. To sum up, the fact that you can get excellent emotions from the travelling while you do not spend much money outweighs the wanton argument about the annoying tourists in the famous places.
The travelling is one of the most popular hobbies. The international travelling has become much cheaper and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford to visit another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This essay will argue that the advantages of this outweigh the drawbacks and provide relevant examples.

In my opinion, there are 2 main advantages. The main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
open doors for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
is the chance to gain cash. Tourism is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the most expensive hobby and when a lot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford this, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to economic situation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
by making money for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
For example
, Bulgaria is the popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and
respectively
, the tourism is the main source of income.
Secondly
, opening doors can attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is less expensive.
Therefore
, from the point of view of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
, it is a great opportunity to explore another culture.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the large amount of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
can debase
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'enjoy' is correct. If 'enjoy' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the enjoy
from the vacation. The
first
argument that they suggest is that, there are lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
However
, I believe that if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
you to travel with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
expenditures, you should not spend your time by looking the monuments or museums,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
visit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. My parents have been to France and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from enjoying the city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they knew how to travel.

To sum up, the fact that you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
excellent emotions from the travelling while you do not spend much money outweighs the wanton argument about the annoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It is acceptable for parents to use physical force to discipline their children v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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