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Some people believe that success in life come from taking risks or chance. Others believe that success results from careful planning. v.1

Some people believe that success in life come from taking risks or chance. Others believe that success results from careful planning. v. 1
There is a general consensus among scholars that the decision taken by young people for their future is bearing a greater impacts on society. Some people argue that doing a work, such as car mechanics or builders, can be extremely beneficial for the community. However, others contend that serving society without improving academic knowledge is impossible. I absolutely agree with the latter notion. There is two fold reason for ideas. On the one hand, serving society by developing know-how will lead to have a developed country. It is manifest that studying in a high level of studies not only improve young individual skills, such as problem solving, but also help to dissolve some country challenges as well. Therefore, what people should consider is this that keeping some difficulties in every country, especially economic ones, requires appropriate knowledge. For example, if Germany counts as a powerful industrial county is because of focusing on academic studies in engineering fields. In contrast, on the other hand, finding a job in low ages help to have the skilful people. Undoubtedly, encouraging young adults to find a job, for instance car mechanics, not only can provide many abilities and opportunities for their future life, but also revolutionize their society in building better structures and repairing machines with high experience. In conclusion, serving society can be possible with both further knowledge and job. But in my opinion, the benefits of studying overweigh the job benefits.
There is a
Consider using "consensus".
general consensus
among scholars that the decision taken by young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for their future is bearing a greater impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that doing a work, such as car mechanics or builders, can be
extremely
beneficial for the community.
However
, others contend that serving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
without improving academic knowledge is impossible. I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter notion. There is
The adjective or adverb 'twofold' needs to be written as one word.
two fold
reason for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

On the one hand, serving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by developing know-how will lead to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
. It is manifest that studying in a high level of studies not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
young individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, such as problem solving,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to dissolve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
country challenges
as well
.
Therefore
, what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should consider is this that keeping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties in every country,
especially
economic ones, requires appropriate knowledge.
For example
, if Germany counts as a powerful industrial county is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of focusing on academic studies in engineering fields.

In contrast
,
on the other hand
, finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in low ages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to have the
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Undoubtedly
, encouraging young adults to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
for instance
car mechanics, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
abilities and opportunities for their future life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
revolutionize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in building better structures and repairing machines with high experience.

In conclusion
, serving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can be possible with both
further
knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my opinion, the benefits of studying
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
benefits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that success in life come from taking risks or chance. Others believe that success results from careful planning. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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