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Do you agree or disagree with the following statementChildren should follow their parent's set of rules v.2

Children should follow their parent's set of rules v. 2
In the contemporary world, there is no shortage of debate about whether or not children follow their parents. As per my opinion, it is better for children to obey their parents. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. To begin with, parents experienced, and they know how to handle the situation, therefore, and children follow them can easily escape from situations. When we are young, we are not matured enough to control the circumstances, because we don' t have any prior knowledge about the condition; as a result, we make a lot of mistakes. However, if we follow our parents, it will not happen. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. When I had completed high school, I was interested in studying literature course as a major, But my father was refused and forced me to join in the health science. Moreover, he explained the consequences of studying literature course because he was a literature graduate. Now, I completed a Pharmacy degree at Ohio State University and working as a pharmacist. The total credit goes to my father. Secondly, if the children follow their parent' s rules, They wouldn' t worry about their financials. Young children often face challenges to pay tuition fees because they don' t have jobs. And also, it impacts on their education. If they follow the parent' s ideas, they certainly support and no financial stress. For example, ten years ago, when my brother, whose name Alex was studying High school, parents wants him to join in the boarding school, and they are ready to pay his expenses. But he refuted their words and took the admission at the local school, and started doing the part-time job to pay his feeses. As a result, he was unable to manage both the job and the classes and got the least grades. I am of the opinion that, following their parent' s ideas is often significant for children. This is because their experience helps us to overcome the mistakes and challenges and because they give us financial support.
In the contemporary world, there is no shortage of debate about
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. As per my opinion, it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to obey their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
experienced, and they know how to handle the situation,
therefore
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
them can
easily
escape from situations. When we are young, we are not matured
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to control the circumstances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have any prior knowledge about the condition;
as a result
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
mistakes.
However
, if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, it will not happen. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. When I had completed high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I
was interested
in studying literature course as a major,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
my father
was refused
and forced me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in the health science.
Moreover
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
the consequences of studying literature course
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he was a literature graduate.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, I completed a Pharmacy degree at Ohio State University and working as a pharmacist. The total credit goes to my father.

Secondly
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parent&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, They
Possible spelling mistake found.
wouldn&
#039; t worry about their financials. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
face challenges
Did you mean "paying"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to pay
tuition fees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have jobs. And
also
, it impacts on their education. If they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
parent&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, they
certainly
support and no financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For example
, ten years ago, when my brother, whose name Alex was studying High
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
wants him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in the boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, and they are ready to pay his expenses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
he refuted their words and took the admission at the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
doing the part-time job to pay his
Possible spelling mistake found.
feeses
.
As a result
, he was unable to manage both the job and the classes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the least grades.

I am of the opinion that, following their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parent&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
significant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to overcome the mistakes and challenges and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they give us financial support.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Children should follow their parent's set of rules v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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