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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends v.1

Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends v. 1
Migration is a common practice that is followed by youngsters when they are at the cusp of their adulthood. While some people see this transition as advantageous for them, others feel that it is best to stay back in their hometowns. This essay will juxtapose both these views, and finally conclude with my opinion. Many young people prefer moving out of their houses to live independently and avoid distractions. For instance, it is easier for a person to concentrate on his work or studies when he lives alone and in a serene environment, than living with a huge family as the daily humdrums around does not allow him to concentrate properly. Additionally, it also gives a feeling of independence, which help in witnessing various experiences and gives a plethora of life lessons. For example, juveniles living in hostels, away from home, learn fundamental things such as cooking and washing clothes quickly as compared to those who live in their homes. On the flip side, living in one's home town has myriads of positives as well. Firstly, a person's acceptability is more in his native town as people already know that person and vice versa, and therefore, it is easy to settle down. A recent research found that people are more contended when they stay at their birth place that those who move out. Secondly, if a person lives in a family atmosphere, he is always provided with support and would never find himself in a lonely state. A survey conducted by The Time in 2017 testified that a person is at 23% more risk of facing issues such as depression if he lives alone than those who live with their families. In conclusion, both the point of views has some merits, however, I think that it is better for a person to move away from his birthplace because it gives him an opportunity not only to explore a whole new world, but also to learn new skills that are crucial for his overall development.
Migration is a common practice that
is followed
by youngsters when they are at the cusp of their adulthood. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this transition as advantageous for them, others feel that it is best to stay back in their hometowns. This essay will juxtapose both these views, and
finally
conclude with my opinion.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer moving out of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
independently
and avoid distractions.
For instance
, it is easier for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to concentrate on his work or studies when he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
alone and in a serene environment, than living with a huge family as the daily
Possible spelling mistake found.
humdrums
around does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
him to concentrate
properly
.
Additionally
, it
also
gives a feeling of independence, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in witnessing various experiences and gives a plethora of life lessons.
For example
, juveniles living in hostels, away from home, learn fundamental things such as cooking and washing clothes
quickly
as compared to those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in their homes.

On the flip side, living in one's home town has myriads of positives
as well
.
Firstly
, a person's acceptability is more in his native town as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
already know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
and vice versa, and
therefore
, it is easy to settle down. A recent research found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more contended when they stay at their birth place that those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out.
Secondly
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in a family atmosphere, he is always provided with support and would never find himself in a lonely state. A survey conducted by The Time in 2017 testified that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is at 23% more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of facing issues such as depression if he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
alone than those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their families.

In conclusion
, both the point of views has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits,
however
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is better for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
away from his birthplace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives him an opportunity not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to explore a whole new world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that are crucial for his
overall
development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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