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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Q: Parents today are more involved in their children's education than were parents in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.851

Q: Parents today are more involved in their children's education than were parents in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 851
Parents contribute not only to upbringing of children, but also to guide them whenever needed. It is unquestionably true that parents want their children to have bright future in this competitive era, so from the very beginning they foster value of good quality education. I want to explore my view in following ways: Firstly, most of parents these days know that highly renowned company may seldom hire uneducated person. In fact level of education among elderly is also plummeting and their horizon have expanded to decide which option is logical for their children. To provide stable career in future and open up options, parents from the very early age guide their children to focus on study. For instance, my mother always taught importance of education to attain decent job in future and to amend skills and shape personality. Motivation and camaraderie at home compelled me to achieve successful career. Secondly, Parents involve in mending child' s performance in school. Parents make effort to investigate child' s progress by checking homework and regularly attending meeting with professor. For instance, when when I was in my 12th grade I was weak in physics, my mother often checked my result and guided me to attend extra class. Also, she paid for my tuition expense and she used to ask me random questions to scrutinise my performance. Thus, I ended up passing with flying colors. On the other hand, it was very easy to acquire job in the past due to least competition and lower literacy rate. In ancient times parents were also not educated with specialised degree, without having clear idea of future prospects of attaining education, how can parents encourage their children to go to school. In addition, cost of living was very low in past as compared to today, so earning outrageous was not their desire. In conclusion, it is worth saying that there are concrete benefits of education these days, so wise parents participate in educating their children to shape their personality and to have financial security.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
contribute not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to upbringing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to guide them whenever needed. It is
unquestionably
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have bright
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
in this competitive era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beginning they foster value of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. I want to explore my view in following ways:

Firstly
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
these days know that
highly
renowned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
may seldom hire uneducated person. In fact level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
among elderly is
also
plummeting and their horizon have expanded to decide which option is logical for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To provide stable career in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and open up options,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to focus on study.
For instance
, my mother always taught importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to attain decent job in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and to amend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and shape personality. Motivation and camaraderie at home compelled me to achieve successful career.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
involve in mending
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s performance in school.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
effort to investigate
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s progress by checking homework and
regularly
attending meeting with professor.
For instance
,
Possible typo: you repeated a word
when when
I was in my 12th grade I was weak in physics, my mother
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
my result and guided me to attend extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Also
, she paid for my tuition
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
expense and
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to ask me random questions to
Possible spelling mistake. 'scrutinise' is British English.
scrutinise
my performance.
Thus
, I ended up passing with flying colors.

On the other hand
, it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to acquire job in the past due to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
competition and lower literacy rate. In ancient times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were
also
not educated with
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
degree, without having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
prospects of attaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, how can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to go to school.
In addition
, cost of living was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low in past as compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
earning outrageous was not their desire.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, it is worth saying that there are concrete benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
wise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
participate in educating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to shape their personality and to have financial security.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Q: Parents today are more involved in their children's education than were parents in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 851

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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