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It is better for boys and girls to study separately rather than study in mixed sex classes. They are less distracted and this leads to better results. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.3

It is better for boys and girls to study separately rather than study in mixed sex classes. They are less distracted and this leads to better results. v. 3
Our children are the most important aspect in our lives. Boys or girls, they would be in our souls and hearts. In order to nurture them adequately we should provide them with the ideal environment to thrive and grow physically and mentally. Some people believe that boys and girls should be separated in schools, others disagree. In my opinion I believe in separating them. And I will explain my point of view in the following discussion. To start with, schools should be an education environment which lacks all distraction. When girls or boys attend a school alone with no opposite sex, they can focus properly on their subjects, and get the absolute understanding. The recent researches prove that segregation in school leads to higher scores for both girls and boys, since the first object for students will be to study and learn, not to attract the opposite sex. Therefore they will ask freely and will not feel embarrassed from any comments or wrong answer. As you can see, even latest researches encourage segregation between boys and girls in schools. Furthermore, school activities should be gender friendly. Gender separating school will ease a practice for some girlish activities like sewing, hair styling, and etc. in addition; segregation will increase their self-esteem. Since they will not hear bad comments from boys, regarding their appearance, orientation, or even academic achievements. For example, I used to go to a girls high school. Which I consider it as a blessing for me. we used to do activities, sporting and crafting which fits girls perfectly. This experience taught me that separation between girls and boys in school has great benefits. To sum up, even though it looks like old faction, I believe that separation between girls and boys in school will provide huge benefits for both sexes academically, and socially. They will get the required environment to focus in their studies and build their own personality away from distractions. We should all open our mind and give it a try, because its results are worthwhile and precious
Our children are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Boys
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
, they would be in our souls and hearts. In order to nurture them
adequately
we should provide them with the ideal environment to thrive and grow
physically
and mentally.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
should
be separated
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, others disagree. In my opinion I believe in separating them. And I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my point of view in the following discussion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should be an education environment which lacks all distraction. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
attend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
alone with no opposite sex, they can focus
properly
on their subjects, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the absolute understanding. The recent researches prove that segregation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
leads to higher scores for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
, since the
first
object for students will be to study and learn, not to attract the opposite sex.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they will ask
freely
and will not feel embarrassed from any comments or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
answer. As you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, even latest researches encourage segregation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
in schools.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
activities should be gender friendly. Gender separating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
a practice for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
girlish activities like sewing, hair styling,
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
in addition
; segregation will increase their self-esteem. Since they will not hear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
comments from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
, regarding their appearance, orientation, or even academic achievements.
For example
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to go to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Which I consider it as a blessing for me. we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do activities, sporting and crafting which fits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
perfectly
. This experience taught me that separation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has great benefits.

To sum up,
even though
it looks like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
faction, I believe that separation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will provide huge benefits for both sexes
academically
, and
socially
. They will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the required environment to
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "focus".
focus in
their studies and build their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personality away from distractions. We should all open our mind and give it a try,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
its results are worthwhile and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
precious
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for boys and girls to study separately rather than study in mixed sex classes. They are less distracted and this leads to better results. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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