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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Employers should be required to provide smoking areas for their employees who smoke cigarettes. v.719

Employers should be required to provide smoking areas for their employees who smoke cigarettes. v. 719
Today, a large number of people are accustomed to smoke frequently in different places. And smoking at many work places is a commonplace happening. Although providing particular place at work for smoking may seem encouraging smokers to continue their habit, it would be a good idea to please other employees who do not smoke or even hate it. Undoubtedly, when specific places are allocated to smoking at office buildings, smoking as a threat to people’s life might seem accepted as a benign fact. And it should be forbidden in public places such as work places for its detrimental impacts on people’s health. First, it can gradually influence lung of the smoker devastatingly and ends up with respiratory diseases. For instance studies have shown that a considerable number of lung-related diseases such as lung cancer or other chronic conditions, including heart attack, are caused by smoking. Second, it not only hurts the smokers but also causes problems for persons who are exposed to the smoke of a cigarette and inhale that. For example, it is proved that the children whose parents are addicted to smoking would have respiratory problems. However, since smoking has become a prevalent habit for the smokers who are growing at an alarming rate, prohibiting it at work places may not seem viable. According to this situation it would be beneficial to put a special place at work for smoking times of employees. One reason is that smokers would not hesitate other employees who dislike smoking. In other words, employees who are not interested in smoking or suffer from diseases such as heart problems would not be at the risk of breathing in polluted area. Another reason is that by limiting smoking to a specific place it would not be considered as pleasant activity. And to some extent, it is demonstrated as an unwanted situation by the public when it is permitted only in limited circumstances. Finally, it can be concluded that although smoking is not accepted as a favorable activity, due to its inevitability, employers would rather put a particular place for smokers at work.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
The verb 'are' is used with the gerund form: "accustomed to smoking".
accustomed to smoke
frequently
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is a commonplace happening. Although providing particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
may seem encouraging smokers to continue their habit, it would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not smoke or even hate it.

Undoubtedly
, when specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are allocated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
at office buildings,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
as a threat to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s life might seem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as a benign fact. And it should
be forbidden
in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
for its detrimental impacts on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s health.
First
, it can
gradually
influence lung of the smoker
devastatingly
and ends up with respiratory diseases.
For instance
studies have shown that a considerable number of lung-related diseases such as lung cancer or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
chronic conditions, including heart attack,
are caused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. Second, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hurts the smokers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
causes problems for persons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are exposed
to the smoke of a cigarette and inhale that.
For example
, it
is proved
that the children whose parents
are addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
would have respiratory problems.

However
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
has become a prevalent habit for the smokers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are growing at an alarming rate, prohibiting it at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
may not seem viable. According to this situation it would be beneficial to put a special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
times of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. One reason is that smokers would not hesitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
dislike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
or suffer from diseases such as heart problems would not be at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of breathing in polluted area. Another reason is that by limiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
to a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
it would not
be considered
as pleasant activity. And to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, it
is demonstrated
as an unwanted situation by the public when it
is permitted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in limited circumstances.

Finally
, it can
be concluded
that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as a favorable activity, due to its inevitability, employers would
rather
put a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for smokers at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers should be required to provide smoking areas for their employees who smoke cigarettes. v. 719

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Employers should be required to provide smoking areas for their employees who smoke cigarettes. v.719