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Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help local community. The believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help local community. The believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. v. 2
It has been widely assumed that all students should be forced to do volunteer works in their spare time to help the local residents. Also, many believes that this would be beneficial for both sides. In my perspective, I partially agree with this idea. On the one hand, there are several reasons why unpaid job is advantageous for both teenagers and society as a whole. The main short coming í that teenager may obtain a lot of real experience about their society through unpaid works. For instance, working at Hanoi Youth club-an volunteer organization which offer free tours for foreign tourists- enable their member to have a real conversation with foreigners, which allows them to enhance their English ability. Furthermore, volunteer work also might save up an enormous sum of budget which is used for wages of the workforce. This could allow authorities to spend that money to strengthen the welfare of local community. On the other hand, it seems that unpaid job somehow has negative impacts on the develop of adolescents and freedom of society. Firstly, it is obvious that the pressure of study account for a great deal of how teenagers spend their spare time. They are usually required to be attended at the lectures and complete a huge workload of assignments. If they were forced to do unpaid jobs, they would be prone to encounter stress and depression. Secondly, it also go against goes against the ideal of constitution and human rights when a group of people is required to do volunteer work, especially it may be against their will. It goes without saying that, although volunteer works may offer a wide range of benefit for youngsters and community but I am completely against the ideal of making it compulsory.
It has been
widely
assumed that all students should
be forced
to do
volunteer
works in their spare time to
help
the local residents.
Also
,
many
believes that this would be beneficial for both sides. In my perspective, I
partially
agree
with this
idea
.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why unpaid job is advantageous for both
teenagers
and society as a whole. The main
short coming
í that
teenager
may obtain
a lot of
real experience about their society through unpaid works.
For instance
, working at Hanoi Youth club-an
volunteer
organization which offer free tours for foreign tourists- enable their member to have a real conversation with foreigners, which
allows
them to enhance their English ability.
Furthermore
,
volunteer
work
also
might save up an enormous sum of budget which is
used
for wages of the workforce. This could
allow
authorities to spend that money to strengthen the welfare of local community.

On the other hand
, it seems that unpaid job somehow has
negative
impacts on
the develop
of adolescents and freedom of society.
Firstly
, it is obvious that the pressure of study account for a great deal of how
teenagers
spend their spare time. They are
usually
required to
be attended
at the lectures and complete a huge workload of assignments. If they
were forced
to do unpaid jobs, they would be prone to encounter
stress
and depression.
Secondly
, it
also
go against goes against the ideal of constitution and human rights when a group of
people
is required
to do
volunteer
work
,
especially
it may be against their will.

It goes without saying that, although
volunteer
works may offer a wide range of benefit for youngsters and community
but
I am completely against the ideal of making it compulsory.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help local community. The believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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