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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Games are as important for adults as they are for children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.62

Games are as important for adults as they are for children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 62
There is an increasing number of crimes committed every year. This essay suggests that unemployment and lack of awareness are the main causes of the issue and submits adding more job field and encouraging behaviour related campaign as the most viable prevention methods. The first principal cause of more criminal activities being carried out each year is the abundant number of unemployed people struggling to make a living. These people need cash to fulfil basic needs, especially if they have families to support, and if the struggle continues, these people will have no choice but to commit crime in order to survive. For example, a recent survey conducted by Brooklyn Police Station shows that 78% of convicted subway burglars were jobless and admitted that they need money for their basic needs. The second main cause is the incapability of the culprits to be more aware of the effects of the actions carried out. Many people do crime just for fun and as a medium of entertainment. For instance, abandoned subways in Detroit often become the domain of illegal graffiti artists. In addition to spray painting the walls, these people also hit the building and destroy it, then leave a note that indicates that the actions were done for fun. The most practical solutions to this are providing more employment for people and doing campaign about raising self awareness. More work field means more employment chance and more people will get their needs fulfilled. Moreover, the campaign supported by government has a goal to educate the community about the danger of crime in hope to also raise their awareness at the end. Australia is a great example, crime related campaigns are held every week to teach parents and children about crime and this has resulted in Australia having one of the lowest crime rate in Asia. In conclusion, this essay believes that high unemployment rate and little insight about the bad effects of crime contribute the most to increasing crime number. It also suggested opening more work field and supporting crime awareness campaign as the best solutions.
There is an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
committed every year. This essay suggests that unemployment and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
are the main causes of the issue and submits adding more job field and encouraging
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
as the most viable prevention methods.

The
first
principal cause of more criminal activities
being carried
out each year is the abundant number of unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
cash to fulfil basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
,
especially
if they have families to support, and if the struggle continues, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in order to survive.
For example
, a recent survey conducted by Brooklyn Police Station
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 78% of convicted subway burglars were jobless and admitted that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
money for their basic needs.

The second main cause is the incapability of the culprits to be more aware of the effects of the actions carried out.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for fun and as a medium of entertainment.
For instance
, abandoned subways in Detroit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
become the domain of illegal graffiti artists.
In addition
to spray painting the walls, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
hit the building and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
it, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a note that indicates that the actions
were done
for fun.

The most practical solutions to this are providing more employment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
about raising self
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
. More work field means more employment chance and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
fulfilled.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
supported by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has a goal to educate the community about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in hope to
also
raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. Australia is a great example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaigns
are held
every week to teach parents and children about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and this has resulted in Australia having one of the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate in Asia.

In conclusion
, this essay believes that high unemployment rate and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
insight about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
contribute the most to increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
number. It
also
suggested opening more work field and supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaign
as the best solutions.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Games are as important for adults as they are for children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 62

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
346 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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