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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? youth is not involved in decision making channels in our world. v.598

youth is not involved in decision making channels in our world. v. 598
Society today is different than in the past. Technology and other inventions made our world a very small village that now everyone is connected in it. Some people agree that youth is not involved in decision making channels in our world, while others disagree. In my perspective point, today youth are more involved than before in determining the future of the society. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss my reasons. First, youth today held many critical positions in decision-making channels all over the world. In addition, they contribute to improving our future by merging their thoughts into the society. Such as, according to Forbes the world most popular magazine that talks about the most famous influencers all over the world, they mentioned in one of their editions that Mark Zuckberg the owner of the famous social website Facebook is the youngest influencer in the United States that held A leading position in the United Nation after his legendry website that connected people from all over the world on it. Also, he helped in educating many children in the third developing countries by adding different educational sources for them, as a result they were able to learn how to write and read over the internet without even going to school. Second, many revolutions that happened recently in many countries especially the middle-east were by youth. For example, according to CBC international news channel the revolution that happened in Egypt, Libya, and Yemen was by youth who seek freedom and the right to stand against corrupted governments. Third, youth contributions in scientific researchs will change the future of the society. For instance, from my personal experience while I was doing my postgraduate studies in chemistry I was required to search over the internet for different articles related to my point of research to decide what point am I going to pursue in my research I found out that most of these leading articles in chemistry and other fields were conducted by youth ranging between twenty years old to thirty years old. In addition, that I have read an article in NewYork times magazine that one of the winners of noble prize in space field was a young women who were able to invent a suit for astronomers to be able to stand on the surface of Mars planet to discover it. Summing up, it is true that this era is different than before. Youth have done amazing contributions to our society and they still continue to do so.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
in the past. Technology and other inventions made our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
everyone
is connected
in it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
is not involved in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
channels in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, while others disagree. In my perspective point,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
are more involved than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
in determining the future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss my reasons.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
held
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
critical positions in decision-making channels all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
In addition
, they contribute to improving our future by merging their thoughts into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Such as, according to Forbes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
most popular magazine that talks about the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
influencers all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, they mentioned in one of their editions that Mark
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zuckberg
the owner of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
social website Facebook is the youngest influencer in the United States that held A leading position in the United Nation after his
Possible spelling mistake found.
legendry
website that connected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
on it.
Also
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in educating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children in the third
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
by adding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
educational sources for them,
as a result
they were able to learn how to write and read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the internet without even going to school.

Second,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
revolutions that happened recently in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
especially
the middle-east were by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
.
For example
, according to CBC international news channel the revolution that happened in Egypt, Libya, and Yemen was by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
who seek freedom and the right to stand against corrupted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

Third,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
contributions in scientific
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "researches", the plural form of the noun 'research'?
researchs will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For instance
, from my personal experience while I was doing my postgraduate studies in chemistry I
was required
to search
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the internet for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
articles related to my point of research to decide what point am I going to pursue in my research I found out that most of these leading articles in chemistry and other fields
were conducted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
ranging between twenty years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
to thirty years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
In addition
, that I have read an article in
Possible spelling mistake found.
NewYork
times magazine that one of the winners of noble prize in space field was a young
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "woman"?
women
who were able to invent a suit for astronomers to be able to stand on the surface of Mars planet to discover it.

Summing up, it is true that this era is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Youth
have done amazing contributions to our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
they
still
continue to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay youth is not involved in decision making channels in our world. v. 598

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
417 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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