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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? We should pay attention to the opinions of famous people. v.517

We should pay attention to the opinions of famous people. v. 517
Throughout the world famous people are the seat of other people’s focus and sometimes followed by them. Although they can have beneficial influence on others, but trusting in every thing they believe or think would not be thoughtful. The following essay supports this point of view. Obviously, according to the particular experiences that the famous people could have, their opinions can be worthy of thinking. They had the opportunity to face different situations and people due to their special relationships and positions. In addition, they have gained essential knowledge and specific skills while reaching their achievements. Therefore they can convey these valuable lessons through their thoughts and ideas. For instance, a successful actor can help others who are seeking to carry out a perfect performance in cinema industry since he can provide them helpful skills and techniques of being effective. However, we can always call for help and guiding advices from any other proficient people in that specific field of career or even from advisors who are specialized in advising people about their education and occupation. And there would be no necessity for imitating and idolizing our favorite famous people when making critical decisions about our lives. Furthermore, famous people like others are human beings and may make mistakes or even have fallacious creeds. Therefore, sometimes it can be harmful to believe in what they say or think. In other words, we would rather analyze their notions and only extract the beneficial ones to use. In conclusion, we can think about popular people’s points of view, but we should consider their probable faults or erroneous thoughts.
Throughout the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the seat of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
focus and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
followed by them. Although they can have beneficial influence on others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
trusting in every thing they believe or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
would not be thoughtful. The following essay supports this point of view.

Obviously
, according to the particular experiences that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could have, their opinions can be worthy of thinking. They had the opportunity to face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to their special relationships and positions.
In addition
, they have gained essential knowledge and specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
while reaching their achievements.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they can convey these valuable lessons through their thoughts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
For instance
, a successful actor can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others who are seeking to carry out a perfect performance in cinema industry since he can provide them helpful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and techniques of being effective.

However
, we can always call for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and guiding advices from any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
proficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in that specific field of career or even from advisors who
are specialized
in advising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about their education and occupation. And there would be no necessity for imitating and idolizing our favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when making critical decisions about our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like others are human beings and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes or even have fallacious creeds.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it can be harmful to believe in what they say or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, we would
rather
analyze their notions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
extract the beneficial ones to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

In conclusion
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
points of view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should consider their probable faults or erroneous thoughts.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay We should pay attention to the opinions of famous people. v. 517

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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