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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more more important to keep your old friends than to make new friends. Use specific examples and reasons to support your answers. v.368

It is more more important to keep your old friends than to make new friends. Use specific examples and reasons to support your answers. v. 368
There is no doubt that famous sports personalities and film stars undergo numerous problems and benefits for being celebrities. The main problem is that their privacy gets invaded; however, in my opinion, the advantages of being a famous personality, such as wealth and fame certainly surpass any of its disadvantages. To begin with, undoubtedly, the private lives of famous television and sports stars are always invaded by others. In other words, owing to their popularity, the public is often keen to know about the happenings in the day to day life of these personalities. As a consequence, most of them are followed by paparazzi all the time, which usually affects their personal life. To exemplify, according to a report by the New York Times, the late actress Marilyn Monroe, used to hide in her house for several days to avoid paparazzi. Thus, extreme fame does not allow celebrities to enjoy the sort of privacy that an ordinary person enjoys. Nevertheless, despite the aforementioned drawback, a strong case for being a celebrity can be drawn. The crucial advantage is that most of the celebrities earn huge amount of money for their work not only in their native country but also in other nations. As a result, they often become millionaires overnight and this allows them to buy whatever they want for themselves and their loved ones. To exemplify, the captain of Indian cricket team Virat Kohli has a fan following throughout the world and, moreover, he ranks 5th in the list of millionaires in India. Hence, being a celebrity makes an individual wealthy enough to live a luxurious life. In conclusion, although popularity affects the private lives of celebrities, in my opinion, the merits of acquiring wealth and appreciation far outweigh its demerit.
There is no doubt that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
sports personalities and film stars undergo numerous problems and benefits for being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. The main problem is that their privacy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
invaded;
however
, in my opinion, the advantages of being a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personality, such as wealth and fame
certainly
surpass any of its disadvantages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
undoubtedly
, the private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
television and sports stars are always invaded by others.
In other words
, owing to their popularity, the public is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
keen to know about the happenings in the
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life of these personalities. As a consequence, most of them
are followed
by paparazzi all the time, which
usually
affects their personal life. To exemplify, according to a report by the New York Times, the late actress Marilyn Monroe,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
in her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
for several days to avoid paparazzi.
Thus
, extreme fame does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
to enjoy the sort of privacy that an ordinary person enjoys.

Nevertheless
, despite the aforementioned drawback, a strong case for being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
can
be drawn
. The crucial advantage is that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
earn huge amount of money for their work not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their native country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in other nations.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
become millionaires overnight and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
whatever they want for themselves and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. To exemplify, the captain of Indian cricket team
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
has a fan following throughout the world and,
moreover
, he ranks 5th in the list of millionaires in India.
Hence
, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an individual wealthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a luxurious life.

In conclusion
, although popularity affects the private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, in my opinion, the merits of acquiring wealth and appreciation far outweigh its demerit.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more more important to keep your old friends than to make new friends. Use specific examples and reasons to support your answers. v. 368

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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