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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Telephones and email have made communication between people less personal. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.32

Telephones and email have made communication between people less personal. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 32
In some countries in recent times, men and women both employ full time, thus, it is argued by people that both should share household chores. Nowadays, women are pushing their boundaries. They also do professional work and it forms a logical question that who will take care of house chores. So, they have to share and participate in different type of work at home. Firstly, the household work is beneficial for them and their children also. Their children feel more responsible. For example, in most urban areas, parents employed in the profession which take all day to do, so children should organize their routine schedule and could be more liable. In addition, certainly, if both are working than revenue will increase and it will aid in children’s fate. For instance, if one family member is sick and in last stage of cancer than hospital official ask money for further therapy then after your savings from salary will be remunerated. Secondly, stress is minimal in homes where chores are shared between men and women and this will promote a good family relationship. Children who are brought up in homes where work are shared are often more responsible. In other words, children will learn how to be hardworking, diligent and develop soft skills also participate to build a strong relationship. For instance, when only one parent is working, he feels suffocated by workload and put in a depression. So, working should be done by both it will descent the stress level of the individual. It will teach how to tackle the delicate issue by patience. Finally, if household chores are distich between parents. It will form a potent behaviour of women and she will able to take stress of any circumstances. I totally agree with the statement, it will benefit for a better tomorrow.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries in recent times,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
both employ full time,
thus
, it
is argued
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that both should share household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are pushing their boundaries. They
also
do professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and it forms a logical question that who will take care of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
share and participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home.

Firstly
, the household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is beneficial for them and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
feel more responsible.
For example
, in most urban areas, parents employed in the profession which take all day to do,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should organize their routine schedule and could be more liable.
In addition
,
certainly
, if both are working than revenue will increase and it will aid in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
fate.
For instance
, if one family member is sick and in last stage of cancer than hospital official ask money for
further
therapy then after your savings from salary will
be remunerated
.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is minimal in homes where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
are shared
between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and this will promote a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
family relationship.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who
are brought
up in homes where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
are shared
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
more responsible.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will learn how to be hardworking, diligent and develop soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
also
participate to build a strong relationship.
For instance
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one parent is working, he feels suffocated by workload and put in a depression.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, working should
be done
by both it
The word 'descent' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
will descent
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level of the individual. It will teach how to tackle the delicate issue by patience.

Finally
, if household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
distich
between parents. It will form a potent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
women and
she
Did you mean "will be able"?
will able
to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of any circumstances. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement, it will benefit for a better tomorrow.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Telephones and email have made communication between people less personal. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 32

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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