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66. Some students prefer the internet-based teaching. Others prefer to study intraditional classrooms. Which method of studying do you prefer and why? v.2

66. Some students prefer the internet-based teaching. Others prefer to study intraditional classrooms. Which method of studying do you prefer and why? v. 2
Greta Thunberg is the initiator of the "Fridays for Future" movement, which gains more and more attention. Teenagers and children demonstrate for environmental protection all over the world. They want the governments to act in order to stop the climate change. The question is, whether the our leaders are responsible for the protection or whether every individual should take responsibility for it. To begin, industrial companies are responsible for the major part of the climate change. Companies exhaust a lot of CO2 and NOX gases, which are considered to be the reason for the Greenhouse effect. Therefore, it is necessary that our political leaders become active and set the rules. The government has to regulate the amount of gases exhausted. Either a CO2 tax or fines because of pollution is necessary. Secondly, it is necessary to fund and to support public transport. Buses and trains are not attractive enough, because of high ticket prices and bad connections. Consequently, people go by car instead using public transportation. This has to be changed and the government responsible for it. On the other hand, every individual should take responsibility for the protection of our environment. It is not necessary to fly to Australia for 1 week. Moreover, people should think twice before they buy any goods. The question is, whether the new product is really necessary or whether one buys it just because it is cheap. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the climate change can be stopped. The main actor, however, is the government, but people can contribute a big part as well.
Greta Thunberg is the initiator of the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Fridays for Future
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
movement, which gains more and more attention.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
and children demonstrate for environmental protection all over the world. They want the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to act in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. The question is, whether
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "our leaders" or "the leaders"?
the our leaders
are responsible for the protection or whether every individual should take responsibility for it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are responsible for the major part of the climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
exhaust
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
CO2 and NOX gases, which
are considered
to be the reason for the Greenhouse effect.
Therefore
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
that our political leaders become active and set the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
regulate the amount of gases exhausted. Either a CO2 tax or fines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of pollution is necessary.

Secondly
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
to fund and to support public transport. Buses and trains are not attractive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of high ticket prices and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
connections.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go by car
instead
using public transportation. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
responsible for it.

On the other hand
, every individual should take responsibility for the protection of our environment. It is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
to
fly
to Australia for 1 week.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. The question is, whether the new product is
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
or whether one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that the climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
. The main actor,
however
, is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can contribute a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
part
as well
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 66. Some students prefer the internet-based teaching. Others prefer to study intraditional classrooms. Which method of studying do you prefer and why? v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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