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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later. v.112

Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later. v. 112
In the present day and age, people are biased while they follow the news. Although some experts assert that following local and national news is helpful, others contradict this by supporting the international updates. While I stand neutral, supporting both the views, owing to their respective benefits like being apprised about local government policies for the former, career progression for the latter. The merits of one sided argument about following the local news is exceptional, as a person would be informed about the latest stand of the governing bodies pertaining to several things, which I agree upon. Furthermore, while the government works assiduously, day in and out to enhance a plethora of its revolutionary measures for the welfare of its citizens, a responsible individual ought to be updated about these measures through a news channel, to understand the impact on their day-to-day life. Taking India as an example, The Indian people who followed the Indian government's enhanced stringent rules for the safety of women on a news channel, expressed their complacency, as the rule proved to be a prodigious strengthening the women security. Consequently, a well informed person about the governmental procedures is better than someone who turns a blind eye to it. While it is also worth pointing that being knowledgeable about the global events proved to be noteworthy, especially when it helps in future career based decisions, and I lean upon this. To explain this further, several individuals who have a strong desire to attain the global exposure by moving to a foreign country, ought to know about the international events, which helps them in several aspects in their future like new immigration policies. To limn, considering the Indian under-graduates as an example, most of these students who carry a dream of graduating from an American university, should be well aware about the nation's volatile immigration reform procedures. In conclusion, having analysed both the aforementioned reasons, I believe that a curious person should be well aware about the local and international updates, which could deter their life's to a great extent.
In the present day and age,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are biased
while they follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts assert that following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
and national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is helpful, others contradict this by supporting the international updates. While I stand neutral, supporting both the views, owing to their respective benefits like
being apprised
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
policies for the former, career progression for the latter.

The merits of one sided argument about following the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is exceptional, as a person would
be informed
about the latest stand of the governing bodies pertaining to several things, which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
upon.
Furthermore
, while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
works
assiduously
, day in and out to enhance a plethora of its revolutionary measures for the welfare of its citizens, a responsible individual ought to
be updated
about these measures through a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channel, to understand the impact on their day-to-day life. Taking India as an example, The Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
followed the Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's enhanced stringent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for the safety of women on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channel, expressed their complacency, as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
proved to be a prodigious strengthening the women security.
Consequently
, a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well informed
person about the governmental procedures is better than someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
turns a blind eye to it.

While it is
also
worth pointing that being knowledgeable about the global
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
proved to be noteworthy,
especially
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in future career based decisions, and I lean upon this. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this
further
, several individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a strong desire to attain the global exposure by moving to a foreign country, ought to know about the international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in several aspects in their future like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
immigration policies. To limn, considering the Indian under-graduates as an example, most of these students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
carry a dream of graduating from an American university, should be well aware about the nation's volatile immigration reform procedures.

In conclusion
, having
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
both the aforementioned reasons, I believe that a curious person should be well aware about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
and international updates, which could deter their life's to a great extent.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later. v. 112

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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