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Do you agree or disagree with the following opinion? The most important goal of education is to help people educate themselves? v.2

with the following opinion? The most important goal of education is to help people educate themselves? v. 2
The modern world is a place of education. Perhaps the most significant milestone of today' s lifestyle is the well-educated people. While some people are in the conviction that the chief aim of education is helping the people to educate themselves; others, on the other hand, believe otherwise. I absolutely agree with the first belief and will cogently explicate my stance on the issue in what follows. The first reason shapes my outlook is that the knowledge has an undeniable impact on the people' s perspective from surrounding. In fact, the thorough understanding is formed for the sake of the chasm information. Besides, nowadays, the individual status defines based on his EQ and his collaboration with the environment. If he could not provide the cogent link with his near surrounding and he was not beneficial for it, he cannot recognize as an efficient person. According to the noteworthy, intelligence survey conducted in my country, approximately sixty-nine percent of the people' s thoughts about the person' s value is based on his awareness and efficiency of that person about his society and not his job or monetary level. Therefore, this angle of the awareness and efficacy is prepared by the education. The second factor advocates my idea is that there is no extra requirement for the scientific advancement of the teaching in the modern society. Indeed, the modern society is sunk in the science and the various sophisticated intellectual processes cover people' s demand for the scientific progress. As a result, the requirement of the education as the element which provides the scientific progress is underestimated. On the other hand, the standard of the well-education is privileged among the people; thus, the people do the study to educate themselves. A vivid example can be given to shed light on the subject is my own instance. My major is physics; I do not study the physic to become a physic scientist such as the Einstein. However, I graduated from this significant to gain a holistic perspective on the rules of the actions happened in nature; also, I am able to helpful in my kid' s education. Nevertheless, some people may assume that the brand of the well-education is for the sake of the better opportunity for finding the well-paid career. However, they overlook a subtle point about the availability of the jobs in the current society; since there is a list of requirements for the employees in the different fields. The advancement of the technology and science flourish the enormous job chances for the people, which can be done by the people with the middle level of education. All in all, based on the aforementioned reasons, one can logically draw the conclusion that the first goal of education is educating the people in the modern society. As it acquires an in-depth perspective for the people, and there is no demand for the scientific improvement or high level of education to find a job.
The
modern
world is a place of
education
. Perhaps the most significant milestone of
today&
#039; s lifestyle is the well-educated
people
. While
some
people
are in the conviction that the chief aim of
education
is helping the
people
to educate themselves; others,
on the other hand
, believe
otherwise
. I
absolutely
agree
with the
first
belief and will
cogently
explicate my stance on the issue in what follows.

The
first
reason shapes my outlook is that the knowledge has an undeniable impact on the
people&
#039; s perspective from surrounding. In fact, the thorough understanding
is formed
for the sake of the chasm information.
Besides
, nowadays, the individual status defines based on his EQ and his collaboration with the environment. If he could not provide the cogent link with his near
surrounding and
he was not beneficial for it, he cannot recognize as an efficient person. According to the noteworthy, intelligence survey conducted in my country, approximately sixty-nine percent of the
people&
#039; s thoughts about the
person&
#039; s value
is based
on his awareness and efficiency of that person about his
society
and not his
job
or monetary level.
Therefore
, this angle of the awareness and efficacy
is prepared
by the education.

The second factor advocates my
idea
is that there is no extra requirement for the
scientific
advancement of the teaching in the
modern
society
.
Indeed
, the
modern
society
is sunk
in the science and the various sophisticated intellectual processes cover
people&
#039; s demand for the
scientific
progress.
As a result
, the requirement of the
education
as the element which provides the
scientific
progress
is underestimated
.
On the other hand
, the standard of the well-education
is privileged
among the
people
;
thus
, the
people
do the study to educate themselves. A vivid example can be
given
to shed light on the subject is my
own
instance. My major is physics; I do not study the physic to become a physic scientist such as the Einstein.
However
, I graduated from this significant to gain a holistic perspective on the
rules
of the actions happened in nature;
also
, I am able to helpful in my
kid&
#039; s education.

Nevertheless
,
some
people
may assume that the brand of the well-education is for the sake of the better opportunity for finding the well-paid career.
However
, they overlook a subtle point about the availability of the
jobs
in the
current
society
; since there is a list of requirements for the employees in the
different
fields. The advancement of the technology and science flourish the enormous
job
chances for the
people
, which can
be done
by the
people
with the middle level of education.

All in all, based on the aforementioned reasons, one can
logically
draw the conclusion that the
first
goal of
education
is educating the
people
in the
modern
society
. As it acquires an in-depth perspective for the
people
, and there is no demand for the
scientific
improvement or high level of
education
to find a
job
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay with the following opinion? The most important goal of education is to help people educate themselves? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
491 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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