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do you agree or disagree with the following idea: . in order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. v.2

with the following idea: . in order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. v. 2
Money management is one of the important factors of being successful. Prosperous person know how to spend their money. Money can be easily spent for providing various stuff by a prodigal person, even though it is large sum and amount of cash. It is definitely vital that children are trained how to manage their expenses and parents play major role to get them learnt in the family environment. First, children should experiences times they have no or less amount of money. It is practical for children to know how hard and unbearable is to have no money in some part of their lives. I could learn lots of pragmatic lessons from my hard childhood when our family was suffering from financial problems. I couldn' t earn my necessary things that other young individuals surrounding me had. Over time, our monetary issues were solved, but I occasionally think of those periods of my life and try to be thankful of my situation by spending my money correctly. Second, children should be learned how to manage their money by some empirical lessons of their parents. Money management should be considered as an essential lesson for children, teenagers, or even young adults. Parents are responsible to convey and get their children know some experiences. For example, they can limit ascendant to get less amount of currency and let them save some money for a short time in order to be capable of purchasing their favorite staff. In this way, in the family, persons can comprehend and interpret how much is fundamental to be sufficient and satisfied with small, simple things rather than unnecessarily glamorous and luxurious accessories. To the best of my knowledge, money is pivotal part of everybody' s life and knowing how to manage money is significant lesson for children. Parents should give opportunity to their children to experience some times when they have no money, on purpose, or at least in a practical way complete them to save their money for buying their things.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
management is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors of being successful. Prosperous person know how to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
can be
easily
spent for providing various stuff by a prodigal person,
even though
it is large sum and amount of cash. It is definitely vital that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are trained
how to manage their expenses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play major role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in the family environment.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "experience"
experiences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
they have
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
or less amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. It is practical for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to know how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and unbearable is to have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I could learn lots of pragmatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
childhood when our family was suffering from financial problems. I
Possible spelling mistake found.
couldn&
#039; t earn my necessary things that other young individuals surrounding me had. Over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, our monetary issues
were solved
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
occasionally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of those periods of my life and try to be thankful of my situation by spending my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
correctly
.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be learned
how to manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
empirical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
management should
be considered
as an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, or even young adults.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are responsible to convey and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experiences.
For example
, they can limit ascendant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less amount of currency and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in order to be capable of purchasing their favorite staff. In this way, in the family, persons can comprehend and interpret how much is fundamental to be sufficient and satisfied with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
, simple things
rather
than
unnecessarily
glamorous and luxurious accessories.

To the best of my knowledge,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is pivotal part of
Possible spelling mistake found.
everybody&
#039; s life and knowing how to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should give opportunity to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
when they have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, on purpose, or at least
Consider replacing "in a practical way" with the adverb for "practical"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a practical way
complete them to save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for buying their things.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay with the following idea: . in order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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