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Do you agree or disagree that people will learn more if they travel to foreign country instead of travelling inside their country. v.1

that people will learn more if they travel to foreign country instead of travelling inside their country. v. 1
With the accelerating development of modern technology such as airplanes and high-speed trains, travelling abroad becomes a common activity for people in the 21st century. However, there' s an ongoing and violent debate that whether folks benefit more if they travel to a foreign country instead of choosing travelling in their own country. From my prospective, I agree the statement that individuals will experience and benefit more if they travel abroad. The reasons and explanations are as follows. First, a term called the Earth village has been invented recently since only couples of hours needed people can fly to anywhere they want. Moreover, there are various different culture existing in this world where we live, waiting for us to explore. For example, if people choose to travel abroad, they can actually experience the life of local folks. When we traveled to Australia last year, plenty runners are running in the natural parks no matter what time is it. And some questions have been raised in our mind at that time, which is that why lots of Australian choose to spend their free time running instead of having a nice relaxation at home. After we talked with some local people, a lesson has been learned that we only live our life once and we should try our best to live a healthy life. this idea is so valuable that it still has a positive influence for my daily life. Just imagine that if I never made a trip to Australia and decide to travel inside my country, the biggest chance is that I might lose this lesson since exercising is not so prevalent in my country result from the daily stress. Second, not only we can experience the new life style in a foreign country, but also we can pick up a foreign language. there' s is no doubts that English is the most common language in this world and we hardly will encounter any difficulties if we can speak English. nevertheless, we can not deny the fact that some people, who don' t receive descent education, cannot speak English at all. In this circumstance, if travelers desire a cozy trip, learning some easy-learning and commonly used daily local language comes a necessary need. Yet the best way to grasp a language is not coming from the texture book but talking to a native speaker. Accordingly, travelling abroad would be a beneficial chance to pick up a new language. For instance, Japanese is a language that I always want to learn. Nonetheless it' s been a hard time for me to attend a language school since daily work has already devoured my time. but the trip to japan actually makes my goal come true. I picked up some daily conversion of Japanese during the trip to japan. Thus travelling abroad could really benefit a lot. Conclusively, since the travelling abroad could ensure both a experience for different culture and learning new language, it definitely has more advantages than travelling inside the country.
With the accelerating development of modern technology such as airplanes and high-speed trains,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
becomes a common activity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the 21st century.
However
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
there&
#039; s an ongoing and violent debate that whether folks benefit more if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
instead
of choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. From my prospective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the statement that individuals will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and benefit more if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
. The reasons and explanations are as follows.

First
, a term called the Earth village has
been invented
recently since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
couples of hours needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
fly
to anywhere they want.
Moreover
, there are various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture existing in this world where we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, waiting for us to explore.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
, they can actually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of local folks. When we traveled to Australia last year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
runners are running in the natural parks no matter what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is it. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
questions have
been raised
in our mind at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, which is that why lots of Australian choose to spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
running
instead
of having a nice relaxation at home. After we talked with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, a lesson has
been learned
that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
once and
we should try our best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
valuable that it
still
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
imagine that if I never made a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
to Australia and decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
inside my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the biggest chance is that I might lose this lesson since exercising is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
prevalent in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
result from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

Second, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
we can pick up a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there&
#039; s is no doubts that English is the most common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
we
The adverb 'hardly' is usually put between 'will' and 'encounter'.
hardly will encounter
any difficulties if we can speak English.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
nevertheless
, we can not deny the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t receive descent education, cannot speak English at all. In this circumstance, if travelers desire a cozy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
, learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
easy-learning and
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
a necessary need.
Yet
the best way to grasp a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is not coming from the texture book
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
talking to a native speaker.
Accordingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
would be a beneficial chance to pick up a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
For instance
, Japanese is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
that I always want to learn.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nonetheless
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s been a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for me to attend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
school since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
work has already devoured my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
to japan actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
my goal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true. I picked up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
conversion of Japanese during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
to japan.
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
could
really
benefit a lot.

Conclusively
, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
could ensure both
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture and learning new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, it definitely has more advantages than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
58Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay that people will learn more if they travel to foreign country instead of travelling inside their country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
501 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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