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Do you agree or disagree on animal preservation

Do you agree or disagree on animal preservation aq8K9
There are zoos and other kinds of animal preservation facilities scattered all around the world. Some consider this action as inhumane because of the way they treat animals and caged them. They could not live the way they used to be. The condition is simply against the animals’ nature and behaviours. Yet, governments are still creating zoos everywhere. Building zoos, as one of the government’s efforts in preserving animals, especially for the rare type of breeds, is considered important to ensure the existency of those animals for a long time. With proper nurture and management of the zoo, those animals would thrive healthily under a good supervision of the veterinarians as they are being monitored 24/7. The animal will be able to give a birth under fitting care and if there is a complication, that problem can be addressed and solved as soon as possible. As a plus point, the veterinarians could develop a safe cross breed to create a new variety of the breed. The advantages of having those creatures in a zoo are the animals could live in peace without having to worry about the shortage of raw food or losing a lair or being hunted by wild hunters as a consequence of human bad behaviours that makes those matters appeared in the first place. There are negative drawbacks as well from quarantining them in an animal reserve. As they are created as wild beasts, their wild instincts - for instance, to seek out their preys - that makes them dangerous animals would be less sharp over the time, because everything is prepared by the zoo. Their movements will not be as agile as when they live in the wild nature too due to the limited area of the cage in the zoo. Having said so, I have to disagree with the statement since it is best to preserve them in the animal reserves first, such as zoos in order to ensure those animals will not diminish into nothing as their lairs are being destroyed irresponsibly by human beings. Later on, in a few decades, after they become colonies, those wild creatures should be released into their natural habitats to create the balance in this world.
There are zoos and other kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
preservation facilities scattered all around the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
consider this action as inhumane
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the way they treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and caged them. They could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the way they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be. The condition is
simply
against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
nature and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
Yet
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are
still
creating zoos everywhere.

Building zoos, as one of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s efforts in preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
especially
for the rare type of breeds,
is considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to ensure the
Possible spelling mistake found.
existency
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for a long time. With proper nurture and management of the zoo, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
would thrive
healthily
under a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
supervision of the veterinarians as they are
being monitored
24/7. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
will be able to give a birth under fitting care and if there is a complication, that problem can
be addressed
and solved as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. As a plus point, the veterinarians could develop a safe
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
cross breed
to create a new variety of the breed. The advantages of having those creatures in a zoo are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in peace without having to worry about the shortage of raw food or losing a lair or
being hunted
by wild hunters as a consequence of human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
those matters appeared in the
first
place.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
drawbacks
as well
from quarantining them in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
reserve. As they
are created
as wild beasts, their wild instincts
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
for instance
, to seek out their preys
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
would be less sharp over the time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everything
is prepared
by the zoo. Their movements will not be as agile as when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the wild nature too due to the limited area of the cage in the zoo.

Having said
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
disagree with the statement since it is best to preserve them in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
reserves
first
, such as zoos in order to ensure those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
will not diminish into nothing as their lairs are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
irresponsibly
by human beings. Later on, in a few decades, after they become colonies, those wild creatures should
be released
into their natural habitats to create the balance in this world.
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IELTS essay Do you agree or disagree on animal preservation

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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