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do you agree or disagree? the bosses have to pay their employees to get a university degree. v.6

the bosses have to pay their employees to get a university degree. v. 6
Nowadays, education has become a vital role in deciding the aspects of one's career. Few individuals believe that university graduates are ought to study subjects of their choice, whilst, rest of people think they should pursue their education in the field of science and technology, which will help them in forthcoming. In my perspective, I certainly believe it is up to the students to decide which area they want to specialize in. There are numerous of factors, why it is a good idea for pupils to choose their own path. Firstly, some people are born with a talent and thus they start showcasing their interest in that subject. For example, Srinivasa Ramanujan started his affection towards math’s at his young age and later he invented many theorems and the number 0. Finally, students, educating in the different fields will have eco-balance in the society. For instance, some students wanted to be a director, so they tend to take a course in media, few will have an ambition to be an accountant, so undertake accountancy subject. Thus, it will create a balance in society among all the professionals. Having said that, there are several pros, why pursuing a career in tech and science would be beneficial. For instance, there will be a demand in jobs in upcoming decades, as the technology evolves drastically. Example, Gartner report says there will be 2 million skilled shortage in the area of cyber security. Furthermore, people working in this area expertise earn an ample amount salary and leads a luxury life. A case in point, a recent study says that professionals like scientist, engineers, and doctors earn double the wages of other skilled labors. To conclude, some individuals urge that students have freedom to choose their studies, while others thinks they should study only subjects that will help them in upcoming. In my opinion, I think it in the hands of students to think and decide. However, there are other metrics they should consider before choosing.
Nowadays, education has become a vital role in deciding the aspects of one's career. Few individuals believe that university graduates are ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
of their choice, whilst, rest of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
they should pursue their education in the field of science and technology, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in forthcoming. In my perspective, I
certainly
believe it is up to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to decide which area they want to specialize in.

There are numerous of factors, why it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for pupils to choose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
path.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are born
with a talent and
thus
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
showcasing their interest in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Srinivasa
Ramanujan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
his affection towards math’s at his young age and later he invented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
theorems and the number 0.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, educating in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields will have
Possible spelling mistake found.
eco-balance
in the society.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
wanted to be a director,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they tend to take a course in media, few will have an ambition to be an accountant,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
undertake accountancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
Thus
, it will create a balance in society among all the professionals.

Having said that, there are several pros, why pursuing a career in tech and science would be beneficial.
For instance
, there will be a demand in jobs in upcoming decades, as the technology evolves
drastically
. Example, Gartner report says there will be 2 million skilled shortage in the area of cyber security.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working in this area expertise earn an ample amount salary and leads a luxury life. A case in point, a recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
says that professionals like scientist, engineers, and doctors earn double the wages of other skilled labors.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals urge that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have freedom to choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinks
they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in upcoming. In my opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it in the hands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
and decide.
However
, there are other metrics they should consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
choosing.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay the bosses have to pay their employees to get a university degree. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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