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do you agree or disagree. It is better for children to choose jobs that are simmiler to their parents' job than choose jobs that are very different from their parnents' jobs. Use specific resons and examples to support your answer. v.87

It is better for children to choose jobs that are simmiler to their parents' job than choose jobs that are very different from their parnents' jobs. Use specific resons and examples to support your answer. v. 87
It is true that a lot of people are working longer shifts to achieve success at work. While they are having long work hours at the workplace, it leaves them with no free time for extra activities. I strongly believe that drawbacks of this situation outweigh from any advantages. The main benefit of working more hours will more likely to attain a successful career in the long-run. This happens because of the commitment to the work which can bring fortunes to the employees. For example, many companies offer promotion to the employees, who reach their sales target in a given time, so employees work harder and longer for this purpose. As a result, many end up with longer shifts, for achieving better payments. If companies offer flexible timing, rather than strict time limit for targets, this can diminish a number of people to work for a long time. However, I would argue that they are too many drawbacks for this situation. The main disadvantage is long workloads can leave employees with stress, which may affect them mentally and physically. For instance, if employees are left with no time to relax, then this may lead them to sedentary lifestyle, which can result in health issues such as depression, heart problems and obesity. Moreover, even though people who work so much for family, have no leisure time to spend with them. Therefore, this creates problems in personal life, leaving them disturbed and unhappy. In conclusion, people are working more to achieve more in life. Although longer working hours employees attain success in their careers, but it will have a bad impact on their health and personal lifestyle. I firmly think that they are more disadvantages and it clearly outweigh any benefit it may bring.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
shifts to achieve success at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. While they are having long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
hours at the workplace, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
them with no free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for extra activities. I
strongly
believe that drawbacks of this situation outweigh from any advantages.

The main benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more hours will more likely to attain a successful career in the long-run. This happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the commitment to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which can bring fortunes to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
offer promotion to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, who reach their sales target in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
for this purpose.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
shifts, for achieving better payments. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
offer flexible timing,
rather
than strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limit for targets, this can diminish a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a long time.

However
, I would argue that they are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks for this situation. The main disadvantage is long workloads can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, which may affect them mentally and
physically
.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax, then this may lead them to sedentary lifestyle, which can result in health issues such as depression, heart problems and obesity.
Moreover
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much for family, have no leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with them.
Therefore
, this creates problems in personal life, leaving them disturbed and unhappy.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more to achieve more in life. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
attain success in their careers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on their health and personal lifestyle. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they are more disadvantages and it
clearly
Did you mean "outweighs"?
outweigh
any benefit it may bring.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for children to choose jobs that are simmiler to their parents' job than choose jobs that are very different from their parnents' jobs. Use specific resons and examples to support your answer. v. 87

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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