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do you agree or disagree? should do students do miscellaneous things during the study as navigating on internet, listening to the music and reading book and so on, or it can hurt to their study? v.63

should do students do miscellaneous things during the study as navigating on internet, listening to the music and reading book and so on, or it can hurt to their study? v. 63
There is no doubt that a person should be sentenced to prison for an offence. While many think that longer jail time is the best option to reduce crime, I believe there are different methods that can be useful. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument. On the one hand, locking up citizens for more time decreases their interaction with the outside world. This can be necessary because people often commit second crime after coming back from prison. For example, most of the offenders who committed a murder are likely to repeat it in a decade. If they are in jail for more than that amount of years, it can reduce the murder rate drastically. Furthermore, increased time behind bars gives a criminal more years to repent. This can be very important for a person to realise their mistake, and start a new life in society. On the other hand, I think activities like social services with decreased jail time is better. This is because, it will keep an offender busy. For instance, individuals who are sentenced to some work like cleaning roads, shows excellent improvement in their behaviour. In contrast, if we look at a prison environment, people tend to get more violent, there are always fights going on, and they have to participate in order to survive. In addition, social services give people some income. With this they feel, they are also a part of the society. This helps them recover faster. In conclusion, although in some cases longer jail time is the only way, but if we want to heal the criminal permanently, keeping them occupied in social service is a better option.
There is no doubt that a person should
be sentenced
to prison for an
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is the best option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
crime, I believe there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
methods that can be useful. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument.

On the one hand, locking up citizens for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
decreases their interaction with the outside world. This can be necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
commit second crime after coming back from prison.
For example
, most of the offenders who committed a murder are likely to repeat it in a decade. If they are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
for more than that amount of years, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the murder rate
drastically
.
Furthermore
, increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
behind bars gives a criminal more years to repent. This can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a person to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
their mistake, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a new life in society.

On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
activities like social services with decreased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is better. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an offender busy.
For instance
, individuals who
are sentenced
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "works"?
work
like cleaning roads,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
excellent improvement in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
In contrast
, if we look at a prison environment,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more violent, there are always fights going on, and they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
participate in order to survive.
In addition
, social services give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
income. With this they feel, they are
also
a part of the society. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them recover faster.

In conclusion
, although in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if we want to heal the criminal
permanently
, keeping them occupied in social service is a better option.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay should do students do miscellaneous things during the study as navigating on internet, listening to the music and reading book and so on, or it can hurt to their study? v. 63

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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