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Do you agree or disagree? It is more important to keep your old friend than it is to make new friend. v.155

It is more important to keep your old friend than it is to make new friend. v. 155
As far as I concern making new friend is really important but it does not mean we should forget our old friends or behave disrespectfully with them. In the following paragraphs, I will explicate the reasons in details to buttress my position toward the argument. First of all, social relations is the principle of living in a society. Having connection with different people who are from various social levels and different cultures makes this chance for us to become sociable person and gain precious experience and knowledge from various situations that are really profitable in our life in confronting different condition. If you learn one thing from each of your friend, you would have a valuable treasure. In my case, for instance, I remember that one of my friend has lots of knowledge about different countries and he always talk about his experience with me, after a while, I requested for a tour guiding in an agency and I' ve been accepted the interview based on what I was understanding from him. The other reason is that through the life time being in different conditions changes the people' s characteristics and behaviors. Then how we can expect that our old friends be the same as they were. I remember, when I was university student and moved to another city, I rarely can visit my old friends and our connection became less than before, I cannot rely on their consulate anymore; thus, I made lots of new friend that were in the situation similar to me. We can study together, spend our leisure times, assist each other with the problems and struggles and so on. Since those years I have had many close friends who have lots of in common with me. At last, having many friend makes it possible for us to be with wide range of the people. We can enjoy spending time with them with different recreations and hobbies. For instance, one of my friend really enjoy accompany with me to go to theatre or cinema whereas does not like to go window shopping in contrast to me that this is one of my entertainments. On the other hand, I have a friend that we plan to go window shopping together. Therefore, being with different people brings this benefit for you to spend time with them in accordance to their desire and taste. To recapitulate briefly, according to aforementioned reasons I can draw this conclusion that making new friend is crucially important to me. I cannot spend all the time by my own and I really enjoy being with different persons, hearing about their experiences and learning more and more from them. One other point that put me align with making new friends is that having various friends can easily enhance the quality of our life in many ways.
As far as I concern making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it does not mean we should forget our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
or behave
disrespectfully
with them. In the following paragraphs, I will explicate the reasons in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
to buttress my position toward the argument.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, social relations is the principle of living in a society. Having connection with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are from various social levels and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
this chance for us to become sociable person and gain precious experience and knowledge from various situations that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
profitable in our life in confronting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
condition. If you learn one thing from each of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
, you would have a valuable treasure. In my case,
for instance
, I remember that one of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
has lots of knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
countries and
he always
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "talks", "talked".
talk
about his experience with me, after a while, I requested for a tour guiding in an agency and
Possible spelling mistake found.
I&
#039; ve been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
the interview based on what I
The verb 'understanding' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
was understanding
from him.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reason is that through the life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
being in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
conditions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s characteristics and behaviors. Then how we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
that our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
be the same as they were. I remember, when I was university student and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to another city, I rarely can visit my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and our connection became less than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, I cannot rely on their consulate anymore;
thus
, I made lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
that were in the situation similar to me. We can study together, spend our leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, assist each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
with the problems and struggles and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
those years I have had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
who have lots of in common with me.

At last, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it possible for us to be with wide range of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. We can enjoy spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
recreations and hobbies.
For instance
, one of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
enjoy
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompany by".
accompany with
me to go to
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
or cinema whereas does not like to go window shopping
in contrast
to me that this is one of my entertainments. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
that we plan to go window shopping together.
Therefore
, being with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
brings
this benefit for you to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them in accordance to their desire and taste.

To recapitulate
briefly
, according to aforementioned reasons I can draw this conclusion that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
is
crucially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to me. I cannot spend all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
enjoy being with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
persons, hearing about their experiences and learning more and more from them. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
point that put me align with making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
is that having various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can
easily
enhance the quality of our life in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay It is more important to keep your old friend than it is to make new friend. v. 155

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
471 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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