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do you agree or disagree? playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. v.132

playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. v. 132
The question is whether playing computer games is a waste of time or not. This view can be affirmed by parents and in their viewpoint the computer games are undeniable fact that destroys the children’s future, conversely I believe that this vantage point is exceedingly scrupulous. If these games are used appropriately, they will play an absolutely crucial role in a spread spectrum in children' s life. My arguments and reasons are listed below that strengthen my point of view: To being with, the computer games will reinforce function of children' s mind. The psychologists have recently studied about the relationship between games and kids and then they could provide a noticeable support for this issue. It is incontrovertibly axiomatic that the games create an imagination bed for children; hence the psychologists express that children with a high ratio of imagination are able to produce creative ideas. With regard to this theory, the computer games optimize the mind' s performance. Inasmuch the modern world needs to new ideas; consequently the children with creativity ability are in an honorable value. The second reasons why I advocate this point of view, lies in the fact that computer games can be used in miscellaneous aspects. To elucidate, take a child who decides to play game, on the other hand he is inclined to study. It can be said that the secret of release of this dilemma lies in an adequate schedule. It goes without saying that the presence such a program, will compensate children' s gone time due to playing. Nobody could overlook the fact that having a awesome ability for planning and organizing in life, can guide children toward a brilliant future. Having discussed this issue from this point of view, I' m going to empower it by the following discussion. These types of games provide a paramount objective for children and it is not except delightfulness. Anyone does not such a right to deprive children from being happy. Restricting children will establish reverse consequences as lethargy or defensive mechanism against the study. By taking all above-mentioned arguments into consideration, the following conclusion could be drawn about this issue. The computer games would have the salient impacts on children’s life and their abilities provided that they are employed in a suitable time by children.
The question is whether playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is a waste of time or not. This view can
be affirmed
by parents and in their viewpoint the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are undeniable fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
future,
conversely
I believe that this vantage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
is
exceedingly
scrupulous. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
appropriately
, they will play an
absolutely
crucial role in a spread spectrum in
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s life. My arguments and reasons
are listed
below that strengthen my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view:

To
Did you mean "begin"?
being
with, the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will reinforce function of
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s mind. The psychologists have recently studied about the relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
kids and
then they could provide a noticeable support for this issue. It is
incontrovertibly
axiomatic that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
create an imagination bed for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
;
hence
the psychologists express that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with a high ratio of imagination are able to produce creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. With regard to this theory, the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
optimize the
Possible spelling mistake found.
mind&
#039; s performance. Inasmuch the modern world needs to new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
;
consequently
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with creativity ability are in an honorable value.

The second reasons why I advocate this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view, lies in the fact that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in miscellaneous aspects. To elucidate, take a child who decides to play game,
on the other hand
he
is inclined
to study. It can
be said
that the secret of release of this dilemma lies in an adequate schedule. It goes without saying that the presence such a program, will compensate
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s gone time due to playing. Nobody could overlook the fact that having
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
awesome ability for planning and organizing in life, can guide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
toward a brilliant future.

Having discussed this issue from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view,
Possible spelling mistake found.
I&
#039; m going to empower it by the following discussion. These types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
provide a paramount objective for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and it is not except
Possible spelling mistake found.
delightfulness
. Anyone does not such a right to deprive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from being happy. Restricting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will establish reverse consequences as lethargy or defensive mechanism against the study.

By taking all above-mentioned arguments into consideration, the following conclusion could
be drawn
about this issue. The computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
would have the salient impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life and their abilities provided that they
are employed
in a suitable time by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. v. 132

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
382 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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