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do you agree or disagree? we can learn about a person from books or movies which this person likes. v.13

we can learn about a person from books or movies which this person likes. v. 13
Increase in population has also led to increase in crime rate. Some strongly believe the death penalty is the only way to prevent harsh crimes, while others think life long sentence help reduce the crime. I would like to discuss my views and give some opinions regarding each. To begin with, preventing the rise in the crime rate has become one of the major issues among law enforcement. According to some death penalty is a best way to overcome this issue, because it can develop fear among the criminals and remember them the penalty they has to face every time they intend to commit a crime. For instance, a survey conducted by the newspaper proved that death penalty issued to criminals who are involved in terrorism, rape and other dangerous crimes in several countries has in fact reduced the offence rate. On the other hand, some agree that life long sentence will help criminals teach a lesson and feel guilty for their mistakes for the rest of their life. Such kind of punishment will give them more opportunity to overcome their mistakes and at the same time teach other criminals not to follow the path. To illustrate, recent incident regarding the homicide of an officer has put criminal behind the bars for several years has thought a strong message to the criminal world. To sum up, based on the crimes, criminals need to be punished accordingly so that it can mitigate crimes and teach them the potential outcomes in committing a crime.
Increase in population has
also
led to increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
strongly
believe the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
life long sentence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. I would like to discuss my views and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opinions regarding each.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, preventing the rise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate has become one of the major issues among law enforcement. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
is
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best way to overcome this issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can develop fear among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
and remember them the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "have", "haven"
has
to face every time they intend to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the newspaper proved that death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
issued to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who
are involved
in terrorism, rape and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in several countries has in fact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
rate.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that life long sentence will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
teach a lesson and feel
The usual collocation for "guilty" is "of" not "for". Did you mean "guilty of"?
guilty for
their mistakes for the rest of their life. Such kind of punishment will give them more opportunity to overcome their mistakes and at the same time teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
not to follow the path. To illustrate, recent incident regarding the homicide of an officer has put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
behind the bars for several years has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
a strong message to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
world.

To sum up, based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
need to
be punished
accordingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it can mitigate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and teach them the potential outcomes in committing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay we can learn about a person from books or movies which this person likes. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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