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Do the positive effects outweigh negative effects, when advertising gains in popularity?

Do the positive effects outweigh negative effects, when advertising gains in popularity? PVL6X
There is no denying that advertising is becoming more and more popular as an useful means of promoting and selling products. However, it is also fraught with controversy that advertising brings numerous adverse effects to the community. As far as I am concerned, I oppose this view, and my reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, many said that advertising leaves a large number of negative impacts in consumers’ minds on the ground that it manipulates customers’ awareness of what advertisers are disseminating and makes buyers follow their will. Hence, people have a tendency to buy products not necessary to them. Nonetheless, evidence supports an opposing view that advertising is merely a tool functioning unveiling new products which are able to meet users’ demands. On the contrary, it will be of beneficial effects on customers if advertising becomes popular. The main advantage is to offer adequate and accurate information about all the alternatives available resulting in speeding consumers’ acceptance of new goods and technologies. In this sense, advertising makes a great many contributions not only help citizens broaden their knowledge about advanced and modern products but also reach a higher standard of living. Furthermore, it is unquestionably to recognise that advertising fosters full employment by boosting turnover rate of company’s commodities and guaranteeing the sustainability of a corporation. Last but not least, it is obvious to recognise that advertising plays a key role in facilitating economic well-being. In simple terms, it is a major sponsor of various industry sectors due to the fact that all businesses, if having no advertising, will have enormous trouble in introducing and launching their products to the markets. To summarise, advertising meets consumers’ demands for updating the information of new products and supporting partly economic growth; therefore, it is undeniable that advertising is a particularly vital tool.
There is no denying that advertising is becoming more and more popular as
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
useful means of promoting and selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
However
, it is
also
fraught with controversy that advertising brings numerous adverse effects to the community. As far as I
am concerned
, I oppose this view, and my reasons will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following paragraphs.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
said that advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts in consumers’ minds on the ground that it manipulates customers’ awareness of what advertisers are disseminating and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
buyers follow their will.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
not necessary to them. Nonetheless, evidence supports an opposing view that advertising is
merely
a tool functioning unveiling new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
users’ demands.

On the contrary
, it will be of beneficial effects on customers if advertising becomes popular. The main advantage is to offer adequate and accurate information about all the alternatives available resulting in speeding consumers’ acceptance of new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and technologies. In this sense, advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a great
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
contributions not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
citizens broaden their knowledge about advanced and modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
reach a higher standard of living.
Furthermore
, it is
unquestionably
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
that advertising fosters full employment by boosting turnover rate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s commodities and guaranteeing the sustainability of a corporation. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, it is obvious to
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
that advertising plays a key role in facilitating economic well-being. In simple terms, it is a major sponsor of various industry sectors due to the fact that all businesses, if having no advertising, will have enormous trouble in introducing and launching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to the markets.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, advertising meets consumers’ demands for updating the information of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and supporting partly economic growth;
therefore
, it is undeniable that advertising is a
particularly
vital tool.

IELTS essay Do the positive effects outweigh negative effects, when advertising gains in popularity?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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