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Do mobile phones do harm more than good?

Do mobile phones do harm more than good? jbY5M
Mobile phones have been more prevalent in people's lives in recent years, thanks to technological advancements. While there is a wide range of downsides regarding finance and health, I believe that the advantages of telephones outweigh the disadvantages as far as education and society are concerned. On the one hand, mobile phones can be damaging to people from various perspectives. Firstly, people may spend a mass amount of money on upgrading their phones. Since phones are frequently updated and new apps are regularly released, consumers who are not using the most recent device may be outdated. Moreover, the client's health can be affected by blue radiation from phones, which may cause insomnia and eyes related diseases. For example, people, especially children, may suffer from nearsightedness when they glue their eyes on screens for a long time. On the other hand, cell phones have brought abundant benefits to human beings, especially in educational and social terms. First, mobile phones are advantageous in providing information and data. Being digitalized, the majority of knowledge can be accessed through phones, which is beneficial for students, teachers, and researchers. Furthermore, individuals can connect with others by using worldwide applications such as Facebook, Whatsapps, Linkedin, Instagram, Telegrams on their phones. For example, many students established groups on those programs for engaging in conversations, studying, entertaining. While I recognize that there are a variety of financial and health risks associated with utilizing phones, I believe that the positive aspects outweigh the negative aspects, regarding educationally and socially.
Mobile
phones
have been more prevalent in
people
's
lives
in recent years, thanks to technological advancements. While there is a wide range of downsides regarding finance and health, I believe that the advantages of telephones outweigh the disadvantages as far as education and society
are concerned
.

On the one hand, mobile
phones
can be damaging to
people
from various perspectives.
Firstly
,
people
may spend a mass amount of money on upgrading their
phones
. Since
phones
are
frequently
updated and new apps are
regularly
released, consumers who are not using the most recent device may
be outdated
.
Moreover
, the client's health can be
affected
by blue radiation from
phones
, which may cause insomnia and eyes related diseases.
For example
,
people
,
especially
children, may suffer from nearsightedness when they glue their eyes on screens for a long time.

On the other hand
, cell
phones
have brought abundant benefits to human beings,
especially
in educational and social terms.
First
, mobile
phones
are advantageous in providing information and data.
Being digitalized
, the majority of knowledge can
be accessed
through
phones
, which is beneficial for students, teachers, and researchers.
Furthermore
, individuals can connect with others by using worldwide applications such as Facebook,
Whatsapps
,
Linkedin
, Instagram, Telegrams on their
phones
.
For example
,
many
students established groups on those programs for engaging in conversations, studying, entertaining.

While I recognize that there are a variety of financial and health
risks
associated with utilizing
phones
, I believe that the
positive
aspects outweigh the
negative
aspects, regarding
educationally
and
socially
.
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IELTS essay Do mobile phones do harm more than good?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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