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Do earning a higher income plays a significant role in choosing their career?

Do earning a higher income plays a significant role in choosing their career? 56n5m
I partially agree with the following statement as for many individuals, income is an integral part of their jobs. Income plays an important role as it helps the individual to acquire goods and services around them. In today’s world the people around us often value the person who has a higher income than others. That is surely a harsh reality that can never be changed. For some people earning high income plays a significant role in determining their career, for example a boy who has a poor family that is clearly not financially stable, but he has a good degree and knowledge for his subjects. He would clearly aim for a high income yielding job as he has to not only fulfill the families needs but he also has to change his current status. Most of the common reasons for people who aim for high income are usually not financially stable and they have a low status in the society which often pushes them to earn a higher income and ignore their dream job or career. While on the other hand there are some people around us who value their skills and craft more than their income. These people choose their career based on what they like to do and they are often more financially stable, they don't have any amount of pressure on them to fulfill their families needs. For these individuals selecting a career does not depend on the level of income but it directly depends on their interest and hobbies they want to pursue throughout their lives. On concluding the above paragraphs we can clearly say that for some individuals earning a higher income plays a significant role in choosing their career because of their substandard financial and social status. Similarly for an individual with more stable financial condition they would pursue their dream job or career. Therefore it can be said that the “conditions’’ around them often pushes the individual to choose their job which is not always favourable to them.
I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the following statement as for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
is an integral part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Income
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to acquire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
them. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
value the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
than others.
That is
surely
a harsh reality that can never be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.

For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earning high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
plays a significant role in determining their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
,
for example
a boy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has a poor family
that is
clearly
not
financially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stable
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
degree and knowledge for his subjects. He would
clearly
aim for a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
yielding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fulfill the families needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
status.

Most of the common reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
aim for high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
are
usually
not
financially
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stable and
they have a low status in the society which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
pushes them to earn a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or career.

While
on the other hand
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
value their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and craft more than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
based on what they like to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
do and
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
more
financially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stable
, they don't have any amount of pressure on them to fulfill their families needs. For these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
selecting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
does not depend on the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
directly
depends on their interest and hobbies they want to pursue throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On concluding the above paragraphs we can
clearly
say that for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
earning a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
plays a significant role in choosing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their substandard financial and social status.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stable
financial condition they would pursue their dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it can
be said
that the “conditions’’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
pushes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which is not always
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
to them.
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IELTS essay Do earning a higher income plays a significant role in choosing their career?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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