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Division of Muslims across the world

Division of Muslims across the world YwOnj
Needless to say that No country will support Muslim Umma. They are fighting one another for their vested interests. Sectarianism and so-called national pride have devastated us horribly. Muslims are divided into Shia and Sunni sect. Owing to this, Saudi Arabia and Iran are at dagger drawn with each other for years. The 1967 war was a wake up call for the whole Muslim world. A country of a few millions have brought the Muslims world into its knees. It shamefully tasted the defeat. However, they were/are/ in deep slumber. In such helm of affairs expecting anything from the west is a fool errand. No one comes to rescue us but ourselves. It is hope that one day we will be united to fight against discrimination, poverty and discrimination.
Needless to say that No country will support Muslim
Possible spelling mistake found.
Umma
. They are fighting one another for their vested interests. Sectarianism and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called national pride have devastated us
horribly
. Muslims
are divided
into Shia and Sunni sect. Owing to this, Saudi Arabia and Iran are at dagger drawn with each other for years. The 1967 war was a wake up call for the whole Muslim world. A country of a few millions have brought the Muslims world into its knees. It
shamefully
tasted the defeat.
However
, they were/are/ in deep slumber. In such helm of affairs expecting anything from the west is a fool errand. No one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to rescue us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
ourselves. It is hope that one day we will
be united
to fight against discrimination, poverty and discrimination.

IELTS essay Division of Muslims across the world

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
129 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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