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DISCUSSION ABOUT SMARTPHONE SHOULD BE BANNED AT PRIMARY SCHOOL

DISCUSSION ABOUT SMARTPHONE SHOULD BE BANNED AT PRIMARY SCHOOL L3dWn
In recent years, allowing the use of smartphones with respect to pupils has become a broad issue to the general public. Some people believe that smartphones should be banned in primary schools. However, others think that smartphones should be encouraged to use. In my opinion, I agree with the former view. Discussed below are several reasons supporting my perspective. First and foremost, people should recognize that smartphones should not be allowed at school. A very important point to consider is that using the smartphone will distract children since the ability of children’s concentration is not very high. This means that smartphones are installed with many applications for playing games as well as entertaining that will make children lose focus on learning. Besides, using mobile phones can be harmful to children’s eyes. To illustrate this point, I would like to mention that according to many recent studies, the eye’s refractive errors in many children, especially myopia and hyperopia, are caused by early use of electronic tools for long hours. Another point I would like to make is that the restriction of social communication is one of the considerable impacts of using cellphones excessively. The virtual society in games which are available in any modern smartphone makes pupils ignore their real life, laziness in communication with friends and other people. As a result, children misunderstand how to behave and interact with others, this is also one of the causes of autism and depression in children. On the other hand, there are several arguments in support of the idea that it should be encouraged at primary schools. It is also convincing to realize that cell phones also have positive effects. This means that children can expand their knowledge on mobile learning websites to enrich their knowledge not found in books. In some cases, I think that this will be more beneficial toward students in higher levels of education. Moreover, in the digital age, education needs more support from technological tools, and smartphones are one of them. Many useful applications are published to serve educational purposes which are applied in teaching in order to develop children’s abilities and help teaching become more efficient. In conclusion, the above mentioned facts have created a dilemma when people evaluate the impact of this issue, and it is still a controversial issue. As far as I am concerned, I put more emphasis on the idea that smartphones should not be encouraged in primary schools. People should have further consideration on this issue.
In recent years, allowing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of smartphones with respect to pupils has become a broad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
to the
Consider using "public".
general public
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that smartphones should
be banned
in primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that smartphones should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former view. Discussed below are several reasons supporting my perspective.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should recognize that smartphones should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point to consider is that using the smartphone will distract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
since the ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
concentration is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high. This means that smartphones
are installed
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
applications for playing games
as well
as entertaining that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lose focus on learning.
Besides
, using mobile phones can be harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
eyes. To illustrate this point, I would like to mention that according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
recent studies, the eye’s refractive errors in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
myopia and hyperopia,
are caused
by early
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of electronic tools for long hours. Another point I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
is that the restriction of social communication is one of the considerable impacts of using cellphones
excessively
. The virtual society in games which are available in any modern smartphone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their real life, laziness in communication with friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
misunderstand how to behave and interact with others, this is
also
one of the causes of autism and depression in children.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are several arguments in support of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it should
be encouraged
at primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. It is
also
convincing to realize that cell phones
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can expand their knowledge on mobile learning websites to enrich their knowledge not found in books. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this will be more beneficial toward students in higher levels of education.
Moreover
, in the digital age, education needs more support from technological tools, and smartphones are one of them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
useful applications
are published
to serve educational purposes which
are applied
in teaching in order to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
abilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to teach" or "teach".
teaching
become more efficient.

In conclusion
, the above mentioned facts have created a dilemma when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
evaluate the impact of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
, and it is
still
a controversial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
. As far as I
am concerned
, I put more emphasis on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that smartphones should not
be encouraged
in primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should have
further
consideration on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
.
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IELTS essay DISCUSSION ABOUT SMARTPHONE SHOULD BE BANNED AT PRIMARY SCHOOL

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
414 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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