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Discussion about importance of the money

Discussion about importance of the money WnMaq
Discussion about importance of the money haven’t been quiet down for many years. Different people have different minds, someone say that earning money is the way to great well-off live, someone agree with statement that pleasant living can’t exist without job coupled with hobby of all live. On the one hand, enjoyable work guarantees feeling high-spirited all time you spend in office or etc. In addition with that quantity of stress factors can decrease. Hence, your mental health will grow up and stay steady. At last, it is very important to have happiness in life. Pleasant work can give that. On the other hand, after all, people are getting old, due to this most of us need retirement. If you want to be owner of quietly high retirement, then you will have to work hardly and earn high salary. But even you don’t think about far future, you should remember about your family. Even salary is fairly high for you, it may be not enough for taking care of your small children or old parents. Due to this, having a good salary is more important then interesting work. Personally I believe that big capital means big opportunities. Even you work at uninteresting job, you have a possibility to earn some money to change it. Only you need is a job that isn’t disgusting for you. After accumulating some capital you should find better job or found your own business with your own rules. In conclusion, we can offer that both statement are true in their own way. If your work is only interesting, but gives a few money – it may be risky. If your job gives opportunity to earn amazing capital, but you hate it, you will fell exhausted and unhappy. In relation to different people appropriate answer is different. Only one right opinion that we can conclude is that we should striking a balance between enjoy work and earning a lot of money.
Discussion about importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
haven’t been quiet down for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
minds, someone say that earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the way to great well-off
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "agrees", "agreed".
agree
with statement that pleasant living can’t exist without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
coupled with hobby of all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

On the one hand, enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
guarantees feeling high-spirited all time you spend in office or etc.
In addition
with that quantity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
factors can decrease.
Hence
, your mental health will grow up and stay steady. At last, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have happiness in life. Pleasant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can give that.

On the other hand
,
after all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, due to this most of us need retirement. If you want to be owner of
quietly
high retirement, then you will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
The adverb 'hardly' is usually put before the verb 'work'.
work hardly
and earn high salary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
even you don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about far future, you should remember about your family. Even salary is
fairly
high for you, it may be not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for taking care of your
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
children or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
parents. Due to this, having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Did you mean "than"?
then
interesting work.

Personally
I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
capital means
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
opportunities. Even you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at uninteresting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, you have a possibility to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
you need is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that isn’t disgusting for you. After accumulating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
capital you should find better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or found your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business with your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.

In conclusion
, we can offer that both statement are true in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way. If your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
interesting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
gives a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
it may be risky. If your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
gives opportunity to earn amazing capital,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you hate it, you will
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
fell
exhausted and unhappy. In relation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
appropriate answer is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
one right opinion that we can conclude is that we should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "strike"
striking
a balance between enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay Discussion about importance of the money

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
325 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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