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discussing holding sporting events

discussing holding sporting events paA1L
Hosting international sporting events like the Olympics in one's own country will enhance the nation’s economy. However, there are some people who argue with this since they think authorities should concentrate on other fields like healthcare and education. In this essay, there will be both perspectives on these issues. On the one hand, hosting international sports events will boost the economy in host’s nation. In other worlds, sports events like the Olympics and FootBall Cup attract thousands of visitors from abroad. Consequently, the tourism industry such as restaurants, hotels, and so on will have growth in customers so as to increase the nation’s economy. On the other hand, some citizens think the government should prioritize funds on useful sectors, which do not include sports events. There is a vast amount of investment required for building arenas and facilities, which are only acquired for a short term use. Rather than using the budget for entertainment, there are a lot more individuals who have vital needs on services like healthcare and education. Therefore, citizens disagree with spending huge expenses on holding sports events. In conclusion, sporting events can evaluate the economy whereas other needs also need the investments. In my opinion, developed countries can consider to hold sports events due to sufficient funds, while developed countries should prioritize spending on education, healthcare and trading
Hosting international sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like the Olympics in one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country will enhance the nation’s economy.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who argue with this since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
authorities should concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields like healthcare and education. In this essay, there will be both perspectives on these issues.

On the one hand, hosting international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
will boost the economy in host’s nation. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
worlds,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like the Olympics and
Possible spelling mistake found.
FootBall
Cup attract thousands of visitors from abroad.
Consequently
, the tourism industry such as restaurants, hotels, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on will have growth in customers
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
increase the nation’s economy.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should prioritize funds on useful sectors, which do not include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. There is a vast amount of investment required for building arenas and facilities, which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
acquired for a short term
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Rather
than using the budget for entertainment, there are a lot more individuals who have vital needs on services like healthcare and education.
Therefore
, citizens disagree with spending huge expenses on holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

In conclusion
, sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
can evaluate the economy whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
needs
also
need the investments. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
can consider to hold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
due to sufficient funds, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
should prioritize spending on education, healthcare and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
trading

IELTS essay discussing holding sporting events

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
221 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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