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Disadvantage of sport business

Disadvantage of sport business 0aeel
I agree with the author’s standpoint that the commercialization of sport can create gambling and corruption in the competition for three reasons. Firstly, the commercialization of sport increases the economic value of each tournament and each match. Sports matches have more followers, leading to an increase in gambling and betting from both legal and illegal bookmakers. Thus, the commercialization of sports causes gambling in competitions. Secondly, the commercialization of sports creates pressure on the whole tournament, it makes the teams want to rise to the top not only because of the achievements but also because of the lucrative advertising contracts for the champions. From that pressure, athletes are willing to use drugs, cheat and play badly to achieve personal goals. Thirdly, the commercialization of sports creates corruption, the more commercialized, the more profitable the matches and attractive to media organizations and football organizations. To increase the attractiveness of the tournament or gain illicit profits from betting, these organizations are willing to spend money fixing the scores or changing the results. For example, at the 23rd SEA Games in 2005, some players of the U23 Vietnam team fixed the scores and were paid by the bookie. The case was discovered and the mastermind was sentenced to 4 years in prison. In conclusion, commercialization makes sports matches more dominated by outside organizations, thereby creating activities such as gambling and corruption.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the author’s standpoint that the commercialization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
can create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gambling
and corruption in the competition for three reasons.
Firstly
, the commercialization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
increases the economic value of each tournament and each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
have more followers, leading to an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gambling
and betting from both legal and illegal bookmakers.
Thus
, the commercialization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gambling
in competitions.
Secondly
, the commercialization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
creates pressure
on the whole
tournament, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the teams want to rise to the top not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the achievements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lucrative advertising contracts for the champions. From that pressure, athletes are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
drugs, cheat and play
badly
to achieve personal goals.
Thirdly
, the commercialization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
creates corruption, the more commercialized, the more profitable the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
and attractive to media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
and football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
. To increase the attractiveness of the tournament or gain illicit profits from betting, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
are willing to spend money fixing the scores or changing the results.
For example
, at the 23rd SEA Games in 2005,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
players of the U23 Vietnam team
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
the scores and
were paid
by the bookie. The case
was discovered
and the mastermind
was sentenced
to 4 years in prison.
In conclusion
, commercialization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
more dominated by outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
, thereby creating activities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gambling
and corruption.
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IELTS essay Disadvantage of sport business

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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