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Developing sports facilities is the best way to improve public health, what is your opinion?

Developing sports facilities is the best way to improve public health, what is your opinion? 6xm0j
Some people say that increasing the number of sports facilities will greatly enhance public health. However, others oppose this view and believe that it will only help to some extent and other more effective measures are required to ensure public health. I strongly support the latter view. There are people who opine that increasing the number of sports facilities will contribute to the betterment of public health. By this initiative, the government can motivate people to participate in various sports and become physically active and mentally fit. For example, sports will help them to burn out their excess calories and also provide an opportunity to interact with others, which in turn, enhance their psycho-social well-being. Having said that, the majority of people believe that sports facilities alone cannot ensure the health of people. This is because the public comprises of people of different age-groups right from infants to seniors and it is not possible to ensure the participation of all of them in sports. On the other hand, facilities like vaccination campaigns, free medical check-up, distribution of health supplements and health education classes at public places will deliver better results. For instance, medical students conduct free health camps at public places on occasions like ‘World Diabetes Day’. Another case in point is the midday meal programme launched by the government of India in 1995. It provides free lunches to students in all government schools with the aim of improving their nutritional status. This scheme has not only encouraged parents to send their child to school but also resulted in enhancement of their health status. Therefore, it is evident that other measures contribute more to public health than sports facilities. To conclude, though sports facilities enhance public health to some extent, other measures such as creating health awareness and offering free or subsidised healthcare are much more effective.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities will
greatly
enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
However
, others oppose this view and believe that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
more effective measures
are required
to ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. I
strongly
support the latter view.

There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who opine that increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities will contribute to the betterment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. By this initiative, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to participate in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and become
physically
active and mentally fit.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to burn out their excess calories and
also
provide an opportunity to interact with others, which in turn, enhance their psycho-social well-being.

Having said that, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities alone cannot ensure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
Did you mean "comprises" or "consists of"?
comprises of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age-groups right from infants to seniors and it is not possible to ensure the participation of all of them in sports.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, facilities like vaccination campaigns,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
-up, distribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
supplements and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education classes at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places will deliver better results.
For instance
, medical students conduct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
camps at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places on occasions like ‘World Diabetes Day’. Another case in point is the midday meal
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
launched by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of India in 1995. It provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
lunches to students in all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
schools with the aim of improving their nutritional status. This scheme has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
encouraged parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their child to school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
resulted in enhancement of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
status.
Therefore
, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures contribute more to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities.

To conclude
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures such as creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
awareness and offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
or
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidised' is British English.
subsidised
healthcare are much more effective.

IELTS essay Developing sports facilities is the best way to improve public health, what is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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