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Despite a large number of gyms a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world What problems are associated with this What solutions can you suggest v.1

Despite a large number of gyms a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world What problems are associated with this What solutions can you suggest v. 1
Both men and women have started working full-time in most nations, and hence it is natural that they should divide their household chores among themselves. As far as I am concerned, I completely agree with this egalitarian belief to a large extent for two reasons. To start with, it is unfair to impose the burden of all housework on women, as their roles in modern society have changed tremendously. It is no longer possible for females to stay at home and take care of their families, as it has become increasingly difficult for a single wage earner to support a family. Consequently, a majority of women have sought regular jobs to supplement their household income. Just like their husbands, women devote most of their daytime at work and suffer from office-related stress and anxiety, therefore, they need proper relaxation at home. Additionally, splitting duties evenly can successfully create a gender-equal environment with a strong emphasis on mutual support and respect. For example, if parents share housework responsibilities, they can convey two important messages to their children. First, women or mothers are not synonymous with housework and that it is incumbent upon each family member to do the household chores with no one being exempt from this family duty. Second, sharing housework tasks is a way to show our love and care to our beloved family. By helping his wife do the dishes, a husband can let her know how much he loves her. To conclude, nowadays, it is not possible for a single person to take responsibility for all the housework and each member must take share the workload to foster a positive and happy environment at home.
Both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working full-time in most nations, and
hence
it is natural that they should divide their household chores among themselves. As far as I
am concerned
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this egalitarian belief to a large extent for two reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, it is unfair to impose the burden of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
housework
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, as their roles in modern society have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
tremendously
. It is no longer possible for females to stay at home and take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, as it has become
increasingly
difficult for a single wage earner to support a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Consequently
, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have sought regular jobs to supplement their household income.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like their husbands,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
devote most of their daytime at work and suffer from office-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety,
therefore
, they need proper relaxation at home.

Additionally
, splitting duties
evenly
can
successfully
create a gender-equal environment with a strong emphasis on mutual support and respect.
For example
, if parents share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
housework
responsibilities, they can convey two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
messages to their children.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
or mothers are not synonymous with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
housework
and that it is incumbent upon each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member to do the household chores with no one being exempt from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
duty. Second, sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
housework
tasks is a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care to our beloved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. By helping his wife do the dishes, a husband can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
her know how much he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
her.

To conclude
, nowadays, it is not possible for a single person to take responsibility for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
housework
and each member
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take share the workload to foster a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and happy environment at home.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Despite a large number of gyms a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world What problems are associated with this What solutions can you suggest v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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