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describe yourself as a student and what motivates you to study master in a foreign country

describe yourself as a student and what motivates you to study master in a foreign country Nrl0g
My name is Syed Ali Hasan and I am looking forward to apply for the graduate program in Mechanical Engineering implemented by Ontario Tech University in Sept, 2020. I am a hardworking, passionate and motivated Mechanical Engineer who perceives this degree to be highly valuable for my professional career. I have a strong academic background in Mechanical Engineering that makes me a strong candidate for this competitive program. I am a sharp, perceptive, hardworking, quick individual with a high aptitude for absorbing difficult concepts in engineering courses. I holds a Bachelor’s degree in Mechanical Engineering from one of the top university of the country, Institute of Space Technology (IST), Islamabad, Pakistan. As an out stationed student pursuing a full time under graduate studies, I faced few difficulties which resulted in ups and downs in my academic grades. However, I still managed to be one of the top student of my batch and graduated with an excellent grade. After completing my bachelor’s degree, I took IELTS in which I scored 7. 5 bands to get admission in a Master’s Degree at Ontario Tech University, which is one of the best university in Canada. As a part of my under graduate degree, I have also done two internships which helped me a lot to learn practical knowledge. One of my internship was in Karachi Nuclear Power Plant (KANUPP), where I learnt and gained a great amount of knowledge on steam power plants, nuclear reactor and turbo-machinery. The internship made me develop my interests in Thermodynamics, Heat Transfer, Fluid Mechanics, Power Generation and Green Energy, in which I am willing to do my thesis or research work as a graduate student. Another internship was in Indus Motor Company, a leading automotive company in Pakistan. The internship helped me develop some great skills and attribute to perform and manage quality improvement activities as a mechanical engineer. I believe my education and career has led a solid foundation to pursue Master’s Degree in Mechanical that can help me develop and learn more about specific areas relating to mechanical, which would help me in my professional goals. Being a child of a scientist who works in a power plant, power generation and energy were fascinating to me since my childhood. As a mechanical engineer, I stands a great chance to fulfill my dreams. Since Canada is one of the country where researches are being carried out which are similar to my interests, and Ontario Tech University is one the best institute where I can follow my dreams and goals. I would like to acquire and learn more and perform research in heat transfer, thermodynamics, and renewable energy. I performed few projects in these fields such as “Designing a Boiler for Steam Turbine Power Plant”, “Sizing and Selection of Centrifugal pump for Desalination Plant” and “A Study of Vapor Absorption Cycle”. These project can help in my graduate research or project and course work. Hence, I believe that the university offers the best opportunities for me to educate myself. As an International Student I would be financing my own studies for which I might be doing part-time jobs, therefore the part-time Masters would be a great fit for me, so that I can focus on my studies and work as well. Canada is one of the dream destination for International Students, as there are several opportunities as a student, for instance odd jobs are easy to find and wages are handsome in most cases. Since I was a hostelite in my undergraduate program, therefore it would not be difficult for me to adjust and adapt in a new state or a country. Regarding my personality, I believe I am a very responsible and respectful individual who adores to seek new experiences in life. I always enjoy socializing with new people and making new friends. Apart from my academic attributes, I am a very handy sportsman. I won several athletic games in my high school, and also got opportunities to lead cricket and soccer team at IST which assisted enhanced my leadership qualities that is very essential in your professional career. I was awarded “Best Batsman of the year” in 2019 for my cricketing skills. I also have a wonderful family and love spending time with them. They support me very much and do their best to encourage me to take new steps in life. As a mechanical engineer, it would be great beneficial for me to get admitted in a Master’s Program at Ontario Tech University, where I can fulfill my dreams and study, learn and gain in-depth knowledge in the areas of my interests. Thank you very much for your consideration.
My name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Syed
Ali
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Hasan and
I am looking forward
In the grammatical structure 'look + forward + to + verb', the verb 'to' is used with the gerund: "to applying".
to apply
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
program in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mechanical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Engineering
implemented by Ontario Tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
in Sept, 2020. I am a hardworking, passionate and motivated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mechanical
Engineer who perceives this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
to be
highly
valuable for my professional career. I have a strong academic background in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mechanical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Engineering
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me a strong candidate for this competitive program.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am a sharp, perceptive, hardworking, quick individual with a high aptitude for absorbing difficult concepts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
courses.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
Possible agreement error -- use base form here: "hold".
holds
a Bachelor’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mechanical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Engineering
from one of the top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
of the country, Institute of Space Technology (IST), Islamabad, Pakistan. As an out stationed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
pursuing a full time under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, I faced few difficulties which resulted in ups and downs in my academic grades.
However
, I
still
managed to be one of the top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
of my batch and graduated with an excellent grade. After completing my bachelor’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
, I took IELTS in which I scored 7. 5 bands to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Master’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Degree
at Ontario Tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
, which is one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in Canada. As a part of my under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
, I have
also
done two internships which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me a lot to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
practical knowledge. One of my internship was in Karachi Nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Plant
(
Possible spelling mistake found.
KANUPP
), where I
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
and gained a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
amount of knowledge on steam
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
, nuclear reactor and turbo-machinery. The internship made me develop my interests in Thermodynamics, Heat Transfer, Fluid Mechanics,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Power
Generation and Green Energy, in which I am willing to do my thesis or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. Another internship was in Indus Motor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
, a leading automotive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in Pakistan. The internship
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and attribute to perform and manage quality improvement activities as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mechanical
engineer.

I believe my education and career has led a solid foundation to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Master’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Degree
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mechanical
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me develop and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more about specific areas relating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mechanical
, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me in my professional goals. Being a child of a scientist who works in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plant
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
generation and energy were fascinating to me since my childhood. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mechanical
engineer, I
The pronoun 'I' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "stand"
stands
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
chance to fulfill my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
. Since Canada is one of the country where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
are
being carried
out which are similar to my interests, and Ontario Tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
institute where I can follow my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
and goals.

I would like to acquire and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more and perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
in heat transfer, thermodynamics, and renewable energy. I performed few projects in these fields such as “Designing a Boiler for Steam Turbine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Plant”
, “Sizing and Selection of Centrifugal pump for Desalination
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Plant”
and “A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Study
of Vapor Absorption Cycle”. These project can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
or project and course
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Hence
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
offers the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
opportunities for me to educate myself. As an International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Student
I would be financing my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
for which I might be doing part-time jobs,
therefore
the part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Masters
would be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
fit for me,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can focus on my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as well
.

Canada is one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
destination for International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
, as there are several opportunities as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
,
for instance
odd jobs are easy to find and wages are handsome
in most cases
. Since I was a
Possible spelling mistake found.
hostelite
in my undergraduate program,
therefore
it would not be difficult for me to adjust and adapt in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
state or a country.

Regarding my personality, I believe I am a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
responsible and respectful individual who adores to seek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experiences in life. I always enjoy socializing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends. Apart from my academic attributes, I am a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
handy sportsman. I won several athletic games in my high school, and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
opportunities to lead cricket and soccer team at IST which assisted enhanced my leadership qualities
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential in your professional career. I
was awarded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“Best
Batsman of the year” in 2019 for my cricketing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
also
have a wonderful family and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
spending time with them. They support me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much and do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
to encourage me to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
steps in life.

As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mechanical
engineer, it would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
beneficial for me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admitted in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Master’s
Program at Ontario Tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
, where I can fulfill my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and gain in-depth knowledge in the areas of my interests.

Thank you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much for your consideration.
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IELTS essay describe yourself as a student and what motivates you to study master in a foreign country

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
775 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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