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Describe your favorite shop

So I have never thought about that, but it is interesting question. Nowadays there are many kinds of shops, with wide variety of products. It’s difficult to choose one of them, because it depends on things you need to buy. Our city is rich in markets and malls which include lots of shops with clothes and any kinds of things. Well I’d like to tell you about the shop is called Miniso. It has many branches and they located in different parts of our city. This shop contains bags, shoes, toys, accessories, housegold goods. Also there are polite and affable shop assistants who is able to help you to choose exactly what you need. I go there not frequently but when I need to buy gift for my friends or family I choose this shop. For instance one month ago when my younger brother was birthday I bought there toy for him. It seems to me there are reasonable prices and you can find things for different cases of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is interesting question. Nowadays there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
, with wide variety of products. It’s difficult to choose one of them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it depends on things you need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
. Our city is rich in markets and malls which include lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
with clothes and any kinds of things. Well I’d like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
is called
Possible spelling mistake found.
Miniso
. It has
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many
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
branches and
they located in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of our city. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
contains bags, shoes, toys, accessories,
Possible spelling mistake found.
housegold
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
there are polite and affable
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shop
assistants who
Did you mean “are”? Alternatively, check whether the singular of ‘assistants’ should be used.
is
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to choose exactly what you need.

I go there not
frequently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when I need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
gift for my friends or family I choose this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
.
For instance
one month ago when my younger brother was birthday I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
there toy for him. It seems to me there are reasonable
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
prices and
you can find things for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cases of life.
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IELTS essay Describe your favorite shop

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
170 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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