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Describe useful advice that you received

Describe useful advice that you received PRGJg
In my entire life, I have come across a wealth of useful advises and I regards them as the most wonderful gifts I received. However, the one striking me most was when I am a high school’s senior before the university entrance exam. If my memories serve me right, it may fall on the beginning of 2017. It was just a short time before the exam, so I was under stress to rack my brain to commit all the insight of 6 main subjects into my memory, I burnt the midnight oil to sail through exam with high flying-colors due to win a place in my dream top- rank college. My sleep was deprived on a regular basis for a long time and sometimes, I even had a white night. TO keep me wide awake to finish all my tasks, abusing temporary energy- boosting beverage such as Red bull and mountain dew was my choice in this time. Despite my hard-working, the result was not as good as it may sound, and I totally burnt out. The next day, my energy was completely drained that I could not deal with whatever life presented to me. After I got to my class, my partner in crime recognized I looked as white as a sheet so she gave me a worthy piece of advice that I should have a go for 10- minutes music therapy with compositions written by Beethoven or Mozart to recharge my battery, go for a stroll in lush park to revamp my physical condition and have a healthy diet instead of being a heavy user of energy drink. After I followed her recommendation, I felt full of energy, and I practiced to turn from a night owl to an early bird. As a result, I was admitted to my dream school with a high-flyer position and a good health condition. That is the reason why I am always grateful for my prompt support from my friends. Without her, I would not have gained this feat.
In my entire life, I have
come
across a wealth of useful advises and I
regards
them as the most wonderful gifts I received.
However
, the one striking me most was when I am a high school’s senior
before
the university entrance exam.

If my memories serve me right, it may fall on the beginning of 2017. It was
just
a short time
before
the exam,
so
I was under
stress
to rack my brain to commit all the insight of 6 main subjects into my memory, I burnt the midnight oil to sail through exam with high flying-colors due to win a place in my dream top- rank college. My sleep
was deprived
on a regular basis for a long time and
sometimes
, I even had a white night. TO
keep
me wide awake to finish all my tasks, abusing temporary
energy-
boosting beverage such as
Red bull
and mountain dew was my choice in this time. Despite my
hard
-working, the result was not as
good
as it may sound, and I
totally
burnt out. The
next
day, my
energy
was completely drained that I could not deal with whatever life presented to me.

After I
got
to my
class
, my partner in crime recognized I looked as white as a sheet
so
she gave me a worthy piece of advice that I should have a go for 10- minutes music therapy with compositions written by Beethoven or Mozart to recharge my battery, go for a stroll in lush park to revamp my physical condition and have a healthy diet
instead
of being a heavy user of
energy
drink. After I followed her recommendation, I felt full of
energy
, and I
practiced to turn
from a night owl to an early bird.

As a result
, I
was admitted
to my dream school with a high-flyer position and a
good
health condition.
That is
the reason why I am always grateful for my prompt support from my friends. Without her, I would not have gained this feat.
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IELTS essay Describe useful advice that you received

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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