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Describe three members of your family

Describe three members of your family a7E6Y
A family is the most important place for any individual so it is considered as the root of people. Without a family, one cannot have a decent or happy life and I also live in a family consisting of four people: my mother, my father, my older brother and me. The first member I should mention is my dad who is currently working as a businessman. I really admire him now that he always shows great determination in the face of adversity. Moreover, he is a kind of person who looks on the bright sight so whenever he makes wrong decisions and get great debt, it did not stop him from starting all over again. As a result, he is owning a large shop and his business is flourishing. Another member I would like to talk about is my mom who is now running and supporting the business with my dad. I must say that she has an incredible sense of humor and I will definitely never upset when I am with her. Therefore, she can easily break the ice and make an intense impression with new people. And the last member in my family is my brother who is 4 years older than me. Although he is much superior to me, he helps and encourages me all the time as if we are truly best friends. Because of his outstanding talent and remarkable awards he has obtained so far, I obviously take him as an ideal model to follow and learn from. To summarize, all three members of my family are really considerate, thoughtful and I love them to the moon and back.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
place for any individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
is considered
as the root of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, one cannot have a decent or happy life and I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
consisting of four
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
: my mother, my father, my older brother and me. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
I should mention is my dad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is
currently
working as a businessman. I
really
admire him
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
that he always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
great determination in the face of adversity.
Moreover
, he is a kind of person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
looks on the bright sight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
whenever he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decisions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
great debt, it did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
him from starting all over again.
As a result
, he
The verb 'owning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is owning
a large shop and his business is flourishing. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
I would like to talk about is my mom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
running and supporting the business with my dad. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say that she has an incredible sense of humor and I will definitely never upset when I am with her.
Therefore
, she can
easily
break the ice and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an intense impression with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. And the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is my brother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is 4 years older than me. Although he is much superior to me, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
and encourages me all the time as if we are
truly
best friends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of his outstanding talent and remarkable awards he has obtained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, I
obviously
take him as an ideal model to follow and learn from.
To summarize
, all three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are
really
considerate, thoughtful and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
them to the moon and back.
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IELTS essay Describe three members of your family

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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