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Children need more play time in order to develop into healthy adults. Do you agree with this opinion?

Children need more play time in order to develop into healthy adults. Do you agree with this opinion? rb1XJ
Spending much time for the playing helps to the children bringing into the healthy life. I somewhat agree with this statement. Because there is both profit and drawbacks of this. Now both site are iluustrated in this essay. Start with that playing much really helps to children in being a good health and brain development, as well as, being a professional of some game cause to gain big success in life. For instance, sport games play a significant role In order to organizing a healthy life. During the action in games the body of human can be in a good temper and in a good health. If we take Football or basketball as a model, this is adventegious for growing strong all part of the bodies of child. As well as, the ability of memories, the intellectual development of child is also improved via games and child begins being self -independent they can decide themselves, improve their outviews and be optimist and active in life. Furthermore, playtime is a fun, it devotes an excellent mood for child and arises fundamental interests also. Moreover, If the child be a master of some game, he or she can get into the success way even earn considerable salary in the future via game. As regard, as there is advantage and disadvantage of all things, there is a negative affect of playing much too to the child`s studies and career in the future. Firstly, in the result of playing much the child cant have enough time to their lessons and they used to be playful and play much instead of studying. They can not distribute their time well and do not worry for future developments. Furthermore, as ther are many type of games, somes affect to bring bad behavior and be agressive in the result of assimulation in games. In conclusion, I restate my statement that all thing has its own limit. I think children should have time to do both things and mark with order their time
Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to the children bringing into the healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I somewhat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there is both profit and drawbacks of this.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
both site are
Possible spelling mistake found.
iluustrated
in this essay.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Start
with that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to children in being a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and brain development,
as well
as, being a professional of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
game cause to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
, sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
play a significant role In order to
Did you mean "organize"?
organizing
a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. During the action in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
the body of human can be in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
temper and in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health. If we take Football or basketball as a model, this is
Possible spelling mistake found.
adventegious
for growing strong all part of the bodies of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
As well
as, the ability of memories, the intellectual development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
being self -independent they can decide themselves,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
outviews
and be optimist and active in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Furthermore
, playtime is a fun, it devotes an excellent mood for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and arises fundamental interests
also
.
Moreover
, If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
be a master of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
game, he or she can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the success way even earn considerable salary in the future via game.

As regard, as there is advantage and disadvantage of all things, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
affect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
too to the
The character between 'child' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "child’s" (curly apostrophe) or "child's" (straight apostrophe).
child`s
studies and career in the future.
Firstly
, in the result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
cant have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lessons and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be playful and play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
instead
of studying. They can not distribute their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
well and do not
The verb 'worry' does not normally take the preposition 'for'. Did you mean "worry about"?
worry for
future developments.
Furthermore
, as
Possible spelling mistake found.
ther are
Possible agreement error. The noun type seems to be countable; consider using: "many types".
many type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
somes
affect to bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behavior and be
Possible spelling mistake found.
agressive
in the result of
Possible spelling mistake found.
assimulation
in games.

In conclusion
, I restate my statement that all thing has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
limit. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
children should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do both things and mark with order their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
time
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IELTS essay Children need more play time in order to develop into healthy adults. Do you agree with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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